Farewell.

From now on ima stop texting you.

Ima stop asking how you are doing, ima stop calling you, ima stop contacting you.

Ima stop asking you out.

Ima stop caring about every single bit of you.

Ima disappear from your life. You will never hear from me again.

Ima start a new life without you.

Ima start meeting new people and forget everything about you.

And soon you will be just another piece of an old chapter in my life. A piece of memory that had once pass by and lit my day.

Just like many of those people in my life before you, in the previous chapters of my book.

You are nothing. You have nothing that i can hold on to dearly.

You have no values that benefits me even in the slightest way.

You only bring bad. Bad. Bad.

You only bring bad.

Ima discard the both of you from my data, and permanently delete you from my recycle bin. I'm never gonna keep anything about you. Your text messages will be deleted, everything that reminds me of you will be permanently destroyed.

I will pray to Him to never let us meet again.

EVER.

So goodbye.

FOREVER.

Insomnia~

I don't know why recently its hard for me to feel tired and sleepy at night.

Kept feeling wide awake and fresh till 5am.

Why? why? why???

Friendship Lagoon

Friendship Lagoon.

Just watched the Gulliver's Travels where the character mentioned about "don't let yourself be trapped inside the Friendship Lagoon, because it's painful."

My mind immediately formed a clear picture of him.

It is already clear between us that i love him, and he too shows various of signs that he's into me as well. But the clear picture still seems pretty vague.

He still have not made it clear to me regarding his true feelings about me, about us while i did. And each time i pushed him into confessing, he will just run away. He will try his best to turn the table back to me and avoid answering the question i want to know most.

Up to the point where i just stop freaking care anymore.

And yes, i am pretty much still halfway stuck inside the freaking Friendship Lagoon. Except that i have confessed but did not get my reply.

Still halfway stuck. Half of my heart is still waiting for him, still lighting and gripping hard on the hope of him feeling the same way i do and bring this friendship to the next level.

But then, like i said, i have reached a point where i just stop caring anymore. Therefore another half part of my heart is already free, not giving a damn to whatever it is that he will reply me regarding the biggest friendship dilemma between us.

So what if he actually doesn't have the same feelings? I would be more than happy to continue being best friends with him. The only male best friend i ever have, and probably will ever have.

Once i get the answer from him, be it negative or positive, then i will finally break free from the trap of Friendship Lagoon.

We still pretty much have that wall-of-space-and-separation which separates us from being too close together. Everytime i tried tearing that wall, he will just build them up all over again. He's trying so hard to avoid the big question.

Leaving me behind the thick wall. Leaving me in the Friendship Lagoon.

*sigh* not to say that i didn't move on. I did. I already have someone else in my life actually, who knows nothing about him and never will.

Ok, he did knows a bit about this best friend of mine. Except that i did not mention the gender. =_=" i don't want to create chaos you know.

But the thing is, i'm not actually 100% sure with this guy. Sure that i've met his family, his relatives, his siblings etc~ And yes he's a cutie. And yes, he did mentioned about 'once we get married' and etc~ And yes, he sounded serious to be with me and such. and yes again, he's a real cutie. (the only one thing i love most about him because he's pretty much a boring person)

But you know, i'm not feeling it with him... Not yet maybe. I don't feel the love vibe when with him. Sure i missed him at times but... I don't know. I'm not and trying my best not to putting any hopes of us taking this relationship to the next level. If we did make it to marriage, cool then. But if we can't make it, then too bad and no hard feelings. (i do still am sorta waiting for my best friend tho)

Why? because i have enough feeling disappointed with stupid hopes that will never come true.

I won't feel too frustrated if we ended up with a relationship break-up because i've always seen that coming everytime i think of him. I've always feel that coming when i think of him. Our relationship looks too fragile that it looked like we can just break-up anytime even due to small, silly reasons. He just doesn't look like he cares of me and what i do, he doesn't look like he misses me, he doesn't talk much with me, he never mentioned he loves me first, he never say the lovey-dovey words that couples should be saying to one another with me, he never asked to see me first, hiding in the car when we come across a few of his friends, adding random cute girls on FB to make friends with and ignoring what i felt when i scold him about it, rarely calls me to ask how i'm doing and so much more. For now, these are the only things i can think of him.

But he's not all bad. There's still a pint of goodness in him, such as worrying of me driving by myself and wanting to know if i have arrived safely at home, buying me drinks without me asking for it, paying for foods and drinks without me asking him to (thats common huh?), a very, very, very good listener (cared a lot when i told him i have problems, listened to every single word and comforted me), very loving to children (can be a loving dad), being cute (what? i just can't help it!), regret so much when he did stuff that i don't approve, and more things that i can't think of currently.

The point here is, i just am not feeling it with this guy and not putting on high hopes that we'll be together for a long time (eventhough i really would love and appreciate it if we did). And i'm still waiting for the big answer from my best friend in order to release myself from the Friendship Lagoon.

I've bore you with my mumbling of stupid relationships huh? haha~

If you care about me, or if you're a busybody (like me), you would want to know the updates in my life. But if you're a stranger and not giving a damn to whatever that happens to me, then feel free to read this other blog of mine, and this one too.

You might be interested to read that blog than this one, because ima talk about all the stupid things in my life in this blog.

Just so that i can reflect what i did in the past, kinda like my online public diary.

And for other people to read about me and what happen in my life once i'm no longer in this world soon. Just for the memories.

God, look at how much random craps i've written LOL~ ignore this post tq heeee~

OVER!! YEEEHAWWW!

Finally, the freaking emotional and mental torture of term paper period has come to an end.

He accepted all of my final submission without questioning me.

And the moment i step in front of his office, i walk a bit further away from his door and JUMPED HAPPILY LIKE CRAZY!!!! i was SUPER HAPPY at that time that no words can ever describe how i felt atm!

It is official, my DEGREE has now ENDED! no more going to class, no more assignments, no more seeing lecturers.. No more, NO MORE!!!

Now it is time to get a job.. Fina a temporary job cuz i'm gonna be bored to death =_="

Something came across my mind...

The first day, i was walking in Jusco, minding my own business when i suddenly swayed off course. I don't know why i felt like losing my vision and losing balance number of times. Couldn't walk properly. My brain was all dizzy and felt like shutting down a few times.

Second day, the brain started to feel light headed and a bit of light headache, but thats' still ok. i can still walk and carry on with my day. But when the night curtain falls, my head was starting to create problems. I can feel the brain was like a nail, being hit many, many, many times with a gigantic hammer in my head. Dub, Dub, Dub, Dub~ And the pain won't stop. Can't find any aspirins or pain killers (damn!), i thought i should rest it out and it'll be ok tomorrow maybe.

Third day, Sadly it didn't. It just got... Worse. If my mom didn't force me outta bed, i won't want to leave the bed. Couldn't really eat with the freaking pain in my head. Urgh... The nail hammering in my head just got stronger, stronger, stronger... like DUB, DUB, DUB this time. (T_T) it got even more worse and painful after i peed.

God, the agony... I kept repeating Allah's name in my head, thinking i deserve this too tho. But if this continues, i can't even carry on to finish my term paper, and i only have 2 days left!

Mom bought aspirins, i only swallowed one cuz i thought only one pill can already take the pain away. Slept a while, and when i woke up, the pain remains the same. *sigh*. She told me to swallow 2 in the first place.

Why i'm telling you this? well here's the thing actually that come across my mind when this happens.

Is it possible that i've actually inherited my dad's asthmatic problems and my mom's migrain problems at the same time? (and my grandmom's being-short-and fat genes -.-)

Why is it that i'm the only one with the bad genes? Why don't my other siblings inherit those genes? why were they passed on to me? ALL to ME?

I'm the one with the fat ass, i'm the shortest, i'm with the asthmatic problems, i'm the one often with the migrain problems. ME, ME, ME.

And i'm the one with the bad attitude, bad personality, the 'preferring-to-be-isolated one', the one with different opinions and thinking from my siblings, the one who dresses differently than them, and everything else that points to the opposite direction if compared to my siblings.

Coughcoughfeellikeimtheblacksheepinthefamilythocoughcoughcough.

From the personality, attitude, dressing code, opinions, thinkings, straight to the genes i inherit from my parents and my siblings didn't.

I FEEL TOO DIFFERENT.

The pain of the hammering in my brain is going more stronger and painful now. Better get back to bed to rest it out for a few hours first. Got a lot of work to be done after this.

Ignore what you've read above, tq.

If only i can burn down his office and the owner with it!!!

To Mr. You-Know-Who Lecturer~

KENAPA KAU TAK BOLEH NAK BAGI AKU SENANG HA?!!!

BAGI JE LA AKU C KALO SUSAH SANGAT!!!

APA LAGI YANG KAU TAK PUAS HATI PASAL KERJA AKU???!!!!

ADA JE KO TAK PUAS HATI DENGAN APA YANG AKU HANTA KAN?!!!!!

BODOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ASDFGHJKL!@#$%^&*()!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s: Raging mode. FU MR M!!!!!

Goodbye Atok.

Grandfather passed away 2 days ago.

I don't know why i couldn't feel anything when i witnessed him on his deathbed, facing Izrail to get his spirit free from his dying body. I felt emotionless. Like my sister said, yes, i felt curious because this is my actual first time seeing someone close to me dies. I was curious, and i started forming a lot of questions in my head such as..

"Is Izrail here? Is he taking my grandfather away right in front of my own eyes without me being able to see it? Is he going through a lot of pain while getting his spirit ripped from his body? What will happen to him if he finally draws his last breath? Is he going to follow us? Is he going to regret many things he did while he was alive? or will he finally be at peace for leaving this world, leaving the pain and the sickened body he used to live in his entire life? Will he be safe in the bazarkh? or will he endure more pain? will his grave be a piece of heaven to him? or hell? Will he be ok down there soon? Is he going to be ok?"

I asked myself these questions because i was trying so hard to understand the feeling of death, what it feels like when you are dead one day. Trying to instill the fear within me. But i felt numb. i couldn't. maybe because i was being in denial, or maybe because i wasn't ready. I don't know.

But a part of me felt relieved with his death. He had been ill, sick, paralyzed, helpless and went through severe emotional abuse the last 6 months of his life and more. I understand the pain he must have felt of not being able to move at all, always in need to rely on other people to live his last bits of life, and not wanting to feel alone. He was an independent man, my grandfather. He had his first stroke, and wasn't able to move much. But he didn't give up, and he kept trying until he finally was able to walk using a 4-legged-cane.

The impressive part is that he tried, tried, and tried, until he could even drive despite using the 4-legged-cane. He never complained anything and he would do things on his own most of the time without relying on his children.

But that was before the second stroke, and this time he was paralyzed all the way due to his back injury. That was when he was terribly helpless, and in constant need of people's help.

My heart throbbed when i heard that he scolded and cursed people around him at the hospital, screaming for help and was ignored. At times, people were tired of his demands, his needs to help on this and that. I have to admit even i felt that way at times. But then thinking back, it must've been painful for an independent man like him to be helpless and turning dependent. he doesn't ask for it to happen, fate sets his life that way. But then, his last life where he was on the hospital bed had made many people upset, tired, sick and stressed as they need to constantly fulfill his needs.

But he can't help it, because he can't move at all. all he can do is talk, cries and scream.

And then when he finally passed away, when his body was finally back in the house he had been living in most of his life back then, his home, again, i felt nothing. Again, all i can think of is the curiosity such as, "Is his spirit around here somewhere? is he walking around the house, watching each and every one of his family? Is he listening to my thoughts? is he watching his body? Is he feeling at peace? Or is he crying, regretting sins of his past?"

I couldn't feel the sad emotion at all. All i can think of him at that moment was him saying, "Air sokong! (air kosong)", him watching tv, him eating at the table, him sleeping, and him giving us free stuff every time we went back to visit him. I don't know why i was so cold hearted at that time, i don't know why i felt so numb and emotionless although i can already see his body lying in the living room, his lifeless body, the body that used to do the stuff i remembered about him.

But then when it was time for us to kiss him and bid the last farewell, the moment i kissed his cold forehead and said goodbye, that was when reality hit me. He was actually leaving, finally leaving forever and we won't be able to see him again.

Although i was happy in a way that he was finally free from his painful body (as he had no hope to be cured at his age), my eyes were starting to go all watery. The emotion and reality had finally hit me.

Perhaps i was being in denial before, but witnessing the actual ceremony where he will be taken away and leave us forever, it did struck me deep inside. I started feeling all kinds of emotions, my eyes wanted to shed out tears. But i tried so hard, so, so, so hard not letting them fall.

Before this, i tried so hard to feel the sadness. But when i actually do, i tried so hard to be cold. I don't want to cry, not in front of people. I see both of my sisters already cried, and i wanted too, but i'm blocking out the tears. I won't let it fall. I won't cry in a funeral. I won't let people see my true emotions. I won't let them know how i truly felt inside. I rather have them think i am a cruel person with a cold heart than thinking i am sensitive inside. That is a weakness, and i will try my best not to show it in front of people.

There were many times during that moment where the tears almost fell, but i tried so, so hard not to let it show. It wasn't nice to cry in a funeral, you'll make the dead feels sad to leave. You should feel accepting and let the dead feels it is ok for him/her to leave, as his/her family members have approved of fate.

Besides, it was time for him to leave, it was the end of his chapter of life. He had went through all stages of life and had witnessed stage. At his final age, it wasn't much left to look forward to other than waiting death, even more when he was already severely ill and paralyzed, living the last moment tormented by pain. He should be more than ready to face death, and people should be relieved and happy for him to finally end his pain and meet his Creator.

I don't know what is in it for him in the underworld there, but i am pretty sure that he's doing ok down there. He was a teacher, an Imam, a policeman, a shopkeeper. I am sure he had done a lot of good deeds while he was alive, and i pray the best for him to face the two angels in the bazarkh. I am sure he can answer well and is at peace.

All the best atok, I will surely tell stories about you to my kids one day. <:')

al-Fatihah~

Full-Stop.

It's time to move on.

Time to stop day-dreaming and hoping for impossible wishes that will never be fulfilled.

It is time to face reality and carry on with what is in front of me, of what i am sure of, not with what i have doubts in.

Don't be stupid and naive to trust things that looks vague.

You've learned your lesson a few times already.

It is time to focus on other things that matters more.

I'm not stupid.

Sometimes you do things that flatters me.

But who knows if you're doing the same thing to other girls to flatter them of like how you did to me?

I know what i said about not minding to respect your boundaries and privacy.

But any fool can tell what you are up to by using that as an excuse.

To care is to share.

To hate is to avoid.

You are definitely trying your best to AVOID me.

And i know what avoiding means. You don't need to fool me.

I'll play along with your game if that is what you want.

But let us see who will truly win this war.

IDGAF, Mr.

I know i deserve it, but you do too.

Glad we've made up and start fresh.

But i have definitely learned my lesson and will never forget what you did to me.

You didn't even sound guilty while you were the one who lied. You didn't even try to apologize. But i did whatever i had to do to save our friendship although i know it wasn't worth it at all.

I saved our friendship and make things up with you because i know this is a deserving karma for me, and that i hate having people hating me. I hate making enemies, that is why i tried my best to apologize to you instead so that you feel better, so you don't hate me anymore.

And by doing that leaves me a huge gap to hate you instead.

I know what i said about negative feelings will only bring you down. Unless you too apologizes, i WILL STAY hating you for what you have done to me.

Can't even trust my own best friend huh~

Will be extremely extra careful with whom to trust in the future.

p/s: perhaps i just need more time in order to forgive him. Better get back to snoozing before i start acting all crazy again! Zzzzz~!

A very valuable lesson.

Thanks to a few people, i have learned a very valuable lesson for myself.

In both negatively & postively.

I hate them of course. But i can't.

Because like how i learned from that person, negative feelings will only bring you down. You can feel them temporarily but don't let them conquer you into doing stupid things in the name of temporary satisfaction.

Because the consequences of doing so last a lifetime.

You won't know what will happen when you act out of anger.

You might lose the relationship you took so long to build.

You might lose the trust you work so hard to earn.

You might hurt the person deep enough for him/her to do stupid things him/herself due to your action out of anger. When you get angry and let the fury conquers you, you will definitely do hurtful actions by abusing physically or verbally to others.

When others feel hurt, they feel sad or angry. Again, the negative feelings that leads to irrational behavior. And these other people might do stupid things to himself/herself/others. And the people affected by the action of stupidity will be the ones feeling hurt, and might hurt other people as well due to anger or sadness.

Driven by the power of the feelings of negativity.

You need to understand the feelings are there for only temporary. If you let yourself be consumed of this madness, it will be a never-ending cycle.

It is not just better, but the best way to put an ending to the cycle is by avoiding from starting them at all.

How? By calming down, sitting down and temporarily distracting yourself from the fury until you feel calm and rational enough to give it a second thought.

My personal opinion is to sleep when you are angry. When you feel the burning rage is boiling within your veins, just immediately transfer yourself to your most comfortable bed, hug a pillow, turn on the air-condition or fan into full blast (as so to cool yourself down physically and mentally, heat will only generate more anger) and lullaby your eyes to sleep with calming, soothing songs.

When you wake up, you won't even remember why you have gotten so angry. Or you wouldn't feel as angry as you did the first time. You will start giving a second thought to the occurrence that caused anger towards you. You will start saying things like, "Why was i even that mad in the first place? thinking back, i don't think it is such a big deal anyway."

Ok, maybe you won't say things like that, but at least you will definitely feel less angry than the first time, hence leading to rational judgments and actions to overcome the problem or incident that has made you furious previously.

Therefore the conclusion to my story here is that i cannot hate the people who thought me the valuable lesson eventhough they have made my life miserable in a way.

And that is because i would not let the negative feelings call hate conquers me. When i do, i will definitely (not MOST definitely, but TOTALLY definitely) do stupid, irrational actions.

When i do that, like i have mentioned, it usually only gives me temporary satisfaction, but costs regret of a lifetime.

I won't hate them. But that doesn't mean i can't dislike them. You just can't force people to like you, especially after what they did affects you terribly emotionally & mentally.

Eventhough their excuses of doing so is for the better good of my future.

Only God can decide on what is for the better good of my future, not them.

Only God can determine on my punishments for what i did wrong, not mere people.

But then again, they were right in a way, and although their ways of teaching me a valuable lesson pained me, i am accepting in facing the pains. For the better good of my future.

Thank you for beating the crap outta me. Trying my best not to hate you guys. Don't blame me, i'm just a mere imperfect human. At least i'm trying right?

p/s: blogging, writing and having people reading what i am saying is a way to calm myself down. By distracting myself from the negative feelings :)

Message to Mr. Snob

I finally got the number of Mr. Snob's so called best friend from my ex-boyfriend.

Why do i desperately wanted the phone number of this Mr. Snob's best friend? because i had a question to ask him, that i have been dying to ask for like forever.

I finally get to call the best friend, and asked him to confirm of his other best friend's identity, this Mr. Snob's identity.

Turns out... It was a huge karma.

I don't blame him for doing this to me because i have been doing the same thing to other people for the last 5 years. I deserve this karma thingy, i deserve my punishment so it really wasn't his fault. I feel bad of course, but i can't because i know i deserve it.

But seriously, now that i know he lied, i just want to know this small detail he'd missed out.

Who the hell is he? and again, WHO in GOD'S NAME, IS HE?

I'm not blaming you, Mr. Snob. Since i've uncovered your lies and trickeries, please just tell me who are you and i will get this over with.

And yes, the reason on why the hell did you have to lie about who you are in the first place.

Oh, and one more. Where the hell did you get my number and how are you related with my ex-boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend's friend whom you claim to be YOUR best friend?

Just explain to me everything because i have ended mine.

And yes, i promise i won't ever be mad at you because i shouldn't be.

WHO-ARE-YOU?

Jealousy? Signs?

ok here's the update i really want to record and tell you guys.

I have cleared out the questions i always had regarding the football player's feelings towards me. And he finally admitted that...

He doesn't have any sort of deep feelings for me. He only likes me and treats me as a friend.

I was more relieved than frustrated when the answer i have been looking for slipped through his lips. I have told him about my true feelings towards him, and i told him that it's ok for not being able to love me like i have loved him.

Why? I told him because i already have someone in my life.

I really don't know what thoughts were running through his mind back then. but i can hear him laugh and congrats me happily, as if he was really happy for me that i have found someone else.

The thing is, it puzzles me when he suddenly asked this question afterwards:

"If you need to choose between me and him, who will you pick?"

I was like "WTH r u asking me this? what does that suppose to mean?"

But i answered "Neither. I can't choose between the two of you of course."

"Why?" he asked me

I answered jokingly, "Because i need to see who loves me more, only then i can choose which is the best hahaha."

He laughed. Then he suddenly said this to me, which i think was led by slight feelings of envy. "you know, it has been years since i last date someone. I don't know how it feels like to date someone anymore."

"That is because you caged ur heart and forbid anyone to enter. You are the one who rejects people and not wanting to let your heart love somebody else."

"But i still can't let her go. I still love her, you know. I still can't stop thinking of her."

I sighed. "it's good that you still remember her, but that won't really do YOU any good. Try and think back, she would have feel bad for you if she sees you alone and unhappy like this. she wants to see you happy and you need to let her go one day."

He went silent for a few seconds and continued, "I visited her grave yesterday. I can still feel her being around me. I know that she's still always there with me."

And i gave him a shocking reply. i told him, "Yes, it's good that you remember her and visited her grave. thats a noble thing. but she in reality she isn't really there with you. she is there only in your heart. the reality is that she is in her grave, answering questions from munkar & nankir, facing her test in the barzarkh."

It really shut him up afterwards. Really did. I gave him an answer as if shoving mud to his face.

Then he said he need to go already, bid me farewell and promise to contact me next week as usual.

I really don't get that guy. What? your manly ego is now scratched due to me not being able to pay attention to u anymore? huh~

* * *

i went out with him yesterday. The first... date. and things went pretty well. He was in short, quite charming.

But that's not the point here. what i really wanna say is something else that i found out about him, that is quite shocking to me.

He has the exact same hands i have.

You don't understand. you know that everyone has this linings on their palms right? and if you are able to notice, everyone has quite similar linings on their palm, eventhough not exactly the same, but still similar.

Everyone's linings on their palm will have these characteristics:

1) short, half line on the first line

2) short, half line on the second line

3) the first lines on your palm will turn into a bowl once you put your right and left palm side to side.

But mine is exactly different. it has different line features than the rest. my first line on the palm is broken into two. The second line on my both my palm is very, very long until it reached to the other end of my palm. it isn't short and half like the others. its really long. and my palm doesn't have a bowl shape when i put both palms side to side due to the broken line on the first line on my left paln, and line too short on my right palm.

i have been searching for people who has similar patterns of palm lining like mine, but none of them has the exact similar pattern like mine. NONE, i tell you.

But here he is, this guy i dated yesterday. I was hell surprised when i saw his palm. he has the exact similar pattern that i have on my palm! for both palms!

and you know what? he even has a broken first lining on his LEFT palm like i do!

I was like "omg, are you destined for me?? are you the one i have always been looking for all my life? is this a sign??"

This incident, this sign still puzzles me and amazes me untill today. I have finally found the person who has the similar palm lining like i do.

And i can't help thinking of the possibility that this might be a sign that we are destined.

Who knows how it will turn out? maybe he is, maybe he isnt.

If he isn't then its ok. i can't argue with that.

But if he is, then great! all praise to the mighty Lord for the sign He showed me :)

Whatever it is, it is still way too soon to tell.

But i'll make this relationship work if he does the same too.

End of story.

6 Important life Lessons That Makes Sense

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend

3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Read this positively. In short, DON'T JUDGE ME.

it has been quite some time since i last wrote in this blog huh? >_< i just don't know what to talk about thats all.

My updates? well..... i've finally finished my degree. the final assignment is to finish my term paper which only has 2 chapters left...

Planning to work part time at the movies (i hope) before receiving my degree certificate, and hoping to be able to work in a hotel or resort despite the certificate for teaching. or maybe in a media broadcasting field. (regretting of rejecting mass com in the first place huhuhu~ T_T)

Currently taking piano lessons (which is a pain in the ass to learn regarding the notes stuff), and currently bored at home, unemployed while trying to finish the term paper.

Social life? currently frustrated for not being able to hang out with my friends before the practicum ends due to variety excuses such as busy finishing the term paper, parents forbid to go out, and had returned to home town a little too early.

Love life? I still don't know that yet. Everything is still in the grey area for now. I still am not sure if he really is into me and the relationship, or if he doesn't take this seriously. cuz it's too soon to tell. i will try to make things work between us but if we end up not being able to complete each other or am not happy with each other, i wont be surprised when we break the relationship afterwards.

Cuz so far he doesn't seem committed enough, and we're like.... Just fooling around... cuz i still don't feel it yet you know... the being-in-love feel like i had before. maybe not yet, or maybe never. Who knows how this relationship will turn out right? only god knows, because like i said, it is still too early to judge whether this relationship between us would work or not. Every great, loving relationship needs to start somewhere. And to me, this is only the beginning of it. The 'starting' position.

If in time it matures and turns out a great relationship, Alhamdullilah, amin, and i'll pray to Allah for this jodoh to reach marriage and last till i die.

If in time it rots and ending up with a break up, i'll just be accepting, redha & pasrah.

I won't throw in much hope in this relationship, at least not yet. I still wanna see his reaction and commitment afterwards in the coming future. and i still don't know the real him yet. (i mean, his attitude when he's angry, his habit, whether he doesn't mind doing house chores, or his real personality around people, etc.)

Oh yeah, and this time, to hell with loyalty. Loyalty comes only if he deserves it. and he needs to earn it this time. i won't give it easily like the last time. I won't let myself be the one with heartbreak of frustration this time. i had enough with heartbreak and tears

Who is the lucky guy u might ask? oh well... i won't call it lucky, tho. Too soon to be called lucky. Who knows if it turned out the other way around? I'll only reveal his identity when i am completely sure that he is the one for me. IF he IS the one for me.

Ya know what i mean?

p/s: Praying to god for jodoh to come fast after attending a kenduri kahwin lol~ XP

Lagu Perpisahan for SMVSB students & teachers

Guitar Chord: Am Dm G C

Bulan Januari bulan pertemuan,

Mengenal ragam timba pengalaman,

Maaf jika ada kesalahan,

Yang buruk menjadi sempadan.

Pahit, manis suka & duka,

kenangan kita bersama,

Pelajar, guru dan warden-warden,

Takkan kami lupakan.

chorus:

Jangan menangisi pemergian kami,

SMVSB kan setiasa di hati

Tidak kami sangka terlalu singkat tempohnya,

Kini sudah tiba waktu tuk kami berlalu

Terima kasih atas jasa semua,

kerana t'lah menjaga kami dara bertiga.

Repeat chorus (3x)

Written & composed by: Nizt89

Plannings for upcoming days ahead!

The torturing observations and days of hell in UNIHELL and practicum has finally reached its end. It's hard to believe that i have finally manage to reach to this level ALIVE! Hell yes i am excited to put these studying days to an end once and for all~!

What will i do next? the first two weeks will be a definite waking up late, watching movies, shopping, enjoying my total freedom like there will be no tomorrow~

The next two weeks, i'll sacrifice my time to finish the god-damn term paper like hell~ Go to UNIHELL to get it approved and leave that place for good.

The next week after that, i will try to do my resume and start applying jobs here & there.

The next few months before graduation, i see myself working part-time job or taking skill classes anywhere, or stay with a permanent job as i may have found myself a permanent job by that time heeee~ (^^)

These are only plannings. In the end, God will be the one who decides which path is better for me at the moment huhu~

Anyways, i'm glad my days of studies are finally OVER!

YEEEEHAAAAWWW!

Letter to Mr. Stuck-Up

To Whom-It-May-Concern,

I can't believe this is how you treat me after all those years of friendship.

Those supports & encouraging spirits i have been whispering to you, all those sweet moments we have been through together, all those laughter we share together, all those times where i have been by your side when you were lonely & needed someone to talk to...

All of them meant nothing to you now is it? And why?

Because you have been a stuck up since you've learned popularity & think i may not be good enough for you anymore?

Just because i confessed to you & wanted to know your true feelings, you deleted all those memories that we had together permanently?

Is it so hard to admit whether you love me, or like me as only your friend? Why is it so hard for you when i don't even mind if you don't have the same feelings for me like i do?

Why did you need to make the confession as such a big deal until it caused you to turn your back on me and walk away?

Why did you try so hard to avoid answering my questions on whether or not you like me?

Why are you running away from confrontation? Scared? of what? of losing me as your best friend?

Scared of commitment you need to give once you confessed you had the same feeling like i do?

Or scared of hurting me?

If your answer is any of those options above, guess what? you already hurt me, & the worse part is that you are the one who ran away, taking off the label 'best friend' from my forehead once you learned the truth from me.

Running away from answering my question.

Scared of commitment? Oh please, do you think i mind? I don't give a damn if i need to wait for any reason you would give me.

All i wanna hear from you is the answer from your heart, whether all those special treatment you have been doing to me actually meant something else deep inside your heart, or that it was only the treatment of a special friendship you appreciate very much?

If you really like me, then why did you run away? I don't mind waiting if that's what you're afraid of.

If you like me as only your good friend, then why didn't you just be honest & straight forward? I don't mind bitter truth, because i appreciate honesty very, very well. As long as you confessed the truth.

In fact, i would have been RELIEVED knowing that you don't have feelings for me, because it will solve the riddles & puzzles you have been playing with me, and that i don't need to play guessing games anymore. I hate guessing games. I hate groping in darkness, filling this head with only more & more questions. Which is why i really appreciate honesty.

Have you been lying to me? Why is it so hard f0r you to tell me the truth?

Why is it so hard for you to confront problems? Why is it that you always run away from problems ever since i've known you from the first time we met?

Please. Stop. Running. Away. And. Start. Being. Honest.

For the sake of both of us. For the sake of our friendship.

If you still care for it, tho. Which almost seems like you don't give a damn anymore, and that this old friend of yours you used to rely on means nothing to you any longer.

It's ok then. But all i wanna say, and desperately wanting you to listen to is this:

Please start being a man, Please be mature. Please stop being a coward.

Please.

Yours Sincerely,

A Terribly Disappointed Girl.

Tears within a happy smile

Soon, just a little sooner, these years of hell will end.

The hell of studying like a nutcrack everytime test or exams are around the corner

The hell of exams & test itself

The hell of assignments

The hell of presentations

The hell of boredom of being stuck in a middle of nowhere

The hell of watching all my money disappear into paying for the printouts, handouts and stuff for assignments & teaching at school without income coming in for the past 4 years

The hell of learning things i have no interest in.

The hell of listening to babbles of lecturers and other people who force us to become a teacher (as if~ huh!)

The hell of every single thing in studying, & study life.

I won't miss a single bit of it.

The same goes to my practicum. I don't hate practicum as much as i hate studying because practicum is actually an experience of working itself. The only problem is that we don't get paid during practicum & that we are continuously 'bullied' as the label 'practical teachers' are written so obviously on our foreheads ; and that is the negative part that i hate about practicum.

Aside from the terribly disrespectful students, lah.

But then when the end of practicum is coming, i realized that i am actually very fond of those students despite them making my blood boils everytime i enter the class. I realized that i actually care for them, i really do.

And that... I actually feel really, really sad when i look at their faces, knowing the fact that i will leave them one day and never turn back.

Despite them making me reaching to the wits' ends to the point where i literally lost my voice, cried, shouted like nuts, and got extremely angry that i left the class without saying a word.

*sigh* i sure am gonna miss those naughty kids.

But i do not, and will never regret my choice of leaving this field forever. I WILL NEVER TURN BACK, AND NEVER WILL I TEACH, EVER, EVER AGAIN.

Despite of all the good & bitter memories, i appreciate them, but teaching is NOT ME. I clearly state to my students that this will be the last for me to teach. I won't turn back to this field anymore.

NEVER.

a very surprising exam result

wow...

Both subjects for the last semester, i received A-.

For BOTH SUBJECTS

and my GPA is... Amazingly... 3.67

and i never got above 3.36 before this, u know!

the last semester and the last 2 subjects, i received an A.

WOW!!!!

Thank you GOD!