All my life, i stand to a principle of live and let live. Being laid back, i don't worry too much about stuff. I take life very easily. Living the moment, being grateful of whatever it is i have now. I never felt the need to struggle, to throw my best, or to work hard. I never had any goals to achieve. Even when i did, i take them easily, resulting boredom in pursuing, hence leaving them half-way or quarter-way done through the process.
Be it, my goal to lose weight, to learn to dress nicer and look pretty, my never-ending desire to finish my half-way done novels, the initiation of putting these ideas in my head into writing.. My desire to own an Evo, my own apartment... Pretty much everything.
I lived an easy life. I never bothered about achieving anything, or proving a point on anything. I didn't feel the need to achieve something in life. To me, life is to live in the moment. Don't take things for granted. I live moderately. As long as i have a roof on top of my head, food to survive, a transport, and spare money to pay for things i wanted, i am already content with my life.
But one fine day, HE came knocking on my life's door.
This guy, he's... A somewhat total opposite of me. I knew this guy from a social site, where from there, we began to grew fonder of each other. I learned a lot about him as our relationship progressed. For example, we have a few similarities, such as collecting coins in bottles, loving to watch documentaries, making importance of punctuality, and several other stuff.
But at the same time, we are a total opposite of each other. a REAL OPPOSITE.
My core, as i have mentioned, is being peaceful. I take things easily. I loosened up well. I don't mess up my head thinking too much about stuff, responsibilities, etc. I don't focus on details and/or take them into account. That is my core. Pretty much relaxed and laid back.
Whereas, this guy, he believes completely in doing his best in EVERYTHING. Even when he did his best and failed, he'll keep on trying until he succeeds as he believes he has not yet done his best if he fails; there should be something wrong somewhere that needs fixing. He believes in trying our best to achieve perfection, therefore there should be a never-ending struggle to make it happen. He takes seriously of responsibilities, be it whether it's a heavy ones such as his job, or not so significant ones such as being a good uncle to his nieces and nephews. Even when he felt that he CAN'T, he'll still try his best to surpass it. He believes in learning and continuously upgrading himself. He believes humans are the only perfect creatures in life, therefore there's no excuse on saying we aren't perfect. There is no limit to what we can achieve, as long as we do our best.
And you know, all these things has caused him to feel tense. He's all stressed up deep inside him, as his mind is in a complete mess of worries and woes regarding his duties, his work, the things he hadn't done yet, the goals he hasn't achieved yet, the problems he needs solving, figuring the time he needs to spare on each one of his beloved ones to be fair to them, etc. He takes everything seriously. Too seriously, and it frustrates him when people can't be more like him. He even assumes spending time with his beloved family as some kind of a duty he needs to perform as a good son, some kind of a liability and responsibility such as an employee's duty towards the employer. Everything, even family, is considered as a responsibility that needs to be performed well. And he has this attitude of MUST-DO-HIS-BEST-TO-SATISFY-EVERYONE-AND-COMPLETES-EVERY-RESPONSIBILITIES.
A total opposite of me.
Of course, this kind of attitude has proven him good. He achieves a lot at such a young age, very talented, that he was able to earn such a high-ranking position at his workplace in only a year. The result of his hard-work ans seriousness was rewarding, there is no doubt in that. But tell me this.
Is he genuinely happy and content by being the way he is now?
Life is too short. Sure, we should do our best in what we do. But the key-word here is balancing through everything. When you can't do it, don't push yourself too hard. Learn to put a barrier and help yourself out from sinking deeper into that hole. Strive your best, but know when to stop. Sure we have responsibilities. But instead of assuming them as a liability, see it as something.. Easy. Take it serious but eased through it at the same time. Learn to enjoy what you do rather than seeing it as some kind of a responsibility needed to be done. And loved ones aren't your job. They are there to give you the comforts from your daily stress, you gotta remember that.
And not everyone is capable of doing what you do. You need to learn that humans are born with different talents. Some are born to be a great artist. Some, good in organizing, while others in some other fields. Learn to respect that each one has their own principle they hold in life. It's okay to highlight, but don't push or expect them to change. Learn to take things easy. And don't be frustrated when they can't be you. They most probably have their own strength in some other things that you don't know about. Probably they do bad at work, but they are actually a good mother to their children. Probably they seemed rude, rebel a lot and talk back at you, but they do have a kind heart in helping others in need. You need to loosen up a little too. You can't expect everything to be perfect all the time. Learn to feel OKAY to be imperfect, don't stress too much about it. Take it easy. Only God and the Prophet is perfect, not us humans. We struggle to do our best, but learn to know your limit, learn to stop and know when you have had enough, and take some time out.
I wanted to tell him this so badly, but i think it isn't the right time just yet. Patience is the key.
But at the same time, some of the things he does in life has made me question about mine as well.
He achieves a lot in life. A black belt in Karate, has served in the marines voluntarily, has attended a karate competition in Russia, an excellent chef, currently taking classes for Silat, has the knowledge on a thousand things i hardly know about, knows everything regarding the KLIA, the airplanes, the schedules of flights, the locations and layouts of the place, etc. He currently holds the responsibilities of ensuring sales and maintaining performances for 3 big hotels under his wings. That's a super heavy responsibility. He told me that he genuinely feels that he can't take the pressure and fulfill the expectation that this job requires him to. But he had to do his best and make it happen one way or another, even if it has to do by force.
From how i see it, his employers are taking advantage on his capability, by moving every burden of work onto his shoulders, because they know he will do it without question or saying no. And at the same time, they earn more money by his hard work, as well as save a lot of money on salary. They would only have to hire and pay one person to do the job of.. perhaps 5 employees. That is crazy. He's HUMAN, not a ROBOT, you assholes!
And him being himself, he does his best anyway, although he knows its too much for him to handle.
Okay back to the part where it made me question my life.
You know, learning more about him made me re-think my life. I mean, sure, i take things quite easily. But comparing to him, i've achieved nothing in life. I have nothing to show off or be proud of when it comes to my life. Yes, i accept how that works with me, but after learning about him, i began to feel a little, pathetic about myself. I'm practically not good in anything, and i have nothing to offer to other people. Makes me feel a pathetic when i think of it now.
And then i wonder, if he can push himself by learning a lot of things until he's good at it, then why can't i? I mean.. Well.. Why not, right? I don't really have to do everything like how he does it. Just focusing on something i can be good at, one step at a time is enough. I do have a lot of spare time at work. Why not use it to my advantage? At least i can learn somethings that i can show off to people, and earn a few skills, rather than doing nothing and achieving nothing. At least i can give it a shot. What's the worse that could happen, right?
At least after i manage to be good at something he's not, i'll finally prove him that i, too, can achieve something in life (since i guess he'd looked down on me when i told him about how i view my life). Proving a point to him that i can be like him, and proving a point to myself that achieving is not that bad of a deal, and that i am able to achieve something too. I want to make him proud of me, but most importantly, i want to make me proud of myself.
He really made me think, and yes, he managed to influence and made me re-think about how i view my life. Not necessarily have to be exactly like him tho, but just enough effort to change my life by achieving something he hasn't yet. Just to prove a point to him and myself that i can be successful too.
I thank him for that.
Right now, i want to learn about psychology. And hopefully master that field. Something that i've always wanted to learn since school. And maybe i shall start attending classes voluntarily, or book clubs. Being involve in a society voluntarily and not by force.
Not gonna tell him this yet. I don't want him to start judging me. Let it be a point proven to myself.
Please feel free to give me encouragement and motivations. I really don't want to leave this goal half-way like how i did with a lot of my previous goals.
