It has been a long time since i've really loved a man, and really were in love.

It was a heartache experience being in love. I am not worthy, i am never worthy to any men and they just don't give a damn to someone like me either.

The only experience i get for falling in love is to get hurt.

I don't give a damn about men, about relationships, about marriage anymore.

I am no longer interested.

My heart has been sealed completely

NOT INTERESTED, THANK YOU.

I don't care about guys anymore.

I don't care about getting hooked or getting married.

So what if i will end up being an old maid? rather than having to serve myself like a slave to men, i rather spend my time and money only to myself.

Being single is so much worth it.

Before this i was so desperate in finding boyfriends and a spouse because i desperately want to get married before 25. but now i just don't care any longer.

To me now male species exist just because they do, and they r just a part of life and living things that god created, just like He create animals and 'jin'.

I don't givadamn 0n why they exist. Exist to lead, yes. But exist to mate the females and get more humans to be born in this world? HAH!

You fellow males can get any other females you want to mate with, but NOT ME.

My heart is already closed for all male species. If you want me, you should have tried hook up with me like a few years ago. Too late to hook up with me now.

I am SINGLE and NOT AVAILABLE. Find somebody else's female heart that you can break. I am not interested in being in relationships anymore.

Heck, I AM NO MORE INTERESTED IN MEN THEMSELVES.

So gerrofff and leave me alone.

Feeling suffocating, not because of assignments.

Suffocating because of financial problem, of the stupid PTPTN money that still has not yet been banked into my account.

and i have a freaking debt to pay ASAP.

wanting to ask from him to lend me to pay but i think its just too much to ask.

stop it nizt!

i am sick. terribly sick, very sick.

i mean mental, mentally ill.

i need to stop myself. i need to stop this now and focus

i feel like being pushed to the edge and am about to lose focus on everything.

i need to get back in line.

Questionare~

1. Apakah nama blog anda dan kenapa anda memilih nama itu?
Random Craps. Because i talk about random craps in here that i feel like spitting out for the whole world to know. the name itself is pretty obvious so i don't think i need to explain.

2. Apakah link blog anda sekarang dan bagaimana boleh timbul idea untuk menamakannya seperti itu?
www.control-iz-me.blogspot.com. because i love being in control and i like to have things all controlled and goes as planned. haha nah im not a control freak. i mean controlling as in controlling things that i planned. the word 'iz' in the middle stands for 'is' in a fancy way, at the same time it spelled my initial name, 'iz' from 'izzati'.

3. Apakah method penulisan dalam blog anda?
unlike my sisters who often tells the facts of life in their blogs, mine is much more personal. more like a public diary. thats my method of writing in my blog.

4. Pernah terasa nak hapuskan blog anda? Sebabnya?
HAHA! are you trying to be funny? =.="

5. Pernah tak ahli keluarga anda membaca blog anda dan apa kata mereka?
YES THEY DO. and i don't think i mind. it IS public and for anyone to read.

6. Apakah perasaan anda apabila orang lain mengatakan bahawa anda punya blog ini buruk sedangkan masih ada yang mengatakan blog anda cantik?
>:( bring my knife and pitch forks!!! IMA KILL THEM!!! >XDDD

7. Bilakah anda mula mempunyai blog?

2 years back i think. or last year. around october maybe? september?

8. Siapakah orang pertama yang mengetahui anda mempunyai blog?
Hafiz che' blah blah blah. hahaha i don't really remember his full name anymore. aside from my sisters of course

9. Apa perasaan anda apabila orang mengatakan tentang blog anda di sekolah/universiti/tempat kerja?
OMG!!! (O.O)

10. 10 orang untuk di-tag

yana, aisyah, syidah, wawa.. hurm who else? hehehe~

Too messed up.

Haven't update this freaking blog.

Things are a bit messed up right now.

i need to get my thoughts, my schedule and my life re-arranged first.

and then i'll tell you what happen.

BLOCKED.

i wanted to write. i wanted to write so bad! i want to fill in those blank microsoft word pages and fill em to dozens numbers of pages.

i wanted to finish this story i have been trying to work on. but it always ends with a block in my head. i forgot what you call that. creativity block? writer's block? i dunno... but to put it in an easy way,

i just don't know what to write anymore. i don't have that passion of writing anymore. i've lost the words to tell them out to people. i have the raw materials in my head and it's all in there. but i fail to find the perfect tools to get these materials and ideas out of my head to be translated into words that people can understand, that people finds fascinating to read.

I want to write so bad that i need time-out in order to get them translated and arranged well.

The time of which i don't have.

The time of which is forever in dreams.

I need to speak to the 'devil', i need to listen to what the devil, the prince the avenger and the members of the companion is trying to say to me.

I need to know what is going on there in Darkness!

People, speak to me and help me write your history properly so i can get it right and look cool!