Monday, 23 January 2012

Solitary Life

I noticed that i prefer a solitary life.

I know i complain at times about not having a big circle of friends,

Or that i don't have a boyfriend.

Or that i'm a lonely person.

But i've also noticed that somehow, i have stopped searching for friends nor boyfriends.

I don't go out dating nor flirting with guys anymore like i used to.

Even when there's an opportunity, i ignore them.

I've lost my faith in happiness, i think. That's why i just don't give a damn anymore.

I don't believe anyone would fall for someone like me.

I don't believe people can make me happy anymore.

But i believe objects will.

Only objects can.


Friday, 20 January 2012

A curious question

You know what?

I have been asked many times at work these few days by my colleagues, out of curiosity. I don't know why.

"Do you actually like this job?"

And i am glad to be able to answer,

"Yes, in fact i actually do."

I won't deny that my new job is exhausting, plus, i haven't my own seat and space/cubicle since the office are already full of employees.

But i'm glad to finally be able to say that i really do...

Like my job.

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Enjoy while you can!

I have decided that i will...


lol~ i meant spending the money as in spending to buy my own things that i want instead of spending them in the name of liabilities like paying for house rent and stuff.

I worked hard to earn my pay, and i have the right to spend them to make myself happy.

Besides, i am still single and without much liabilities to handle.

I want to enjoy these first few years of my life first.

Enjoying spending my money within the flow of my own personal desire.

so yeah,


Tuesday, 10 January 2012


I admit..

The stress in this new job is far more overwhelming than my last job.

But you know what?

Somehow, i am satisfied enough.

I want to learn how a company runs.

And i think i like THIS job better.

Sunday, 8 January 2012

Reality filled with hurtful LIES.

I hate pretty girls.

I hate soft spoken girls.

I hate romantic couples who displays affection publicly

I hate romantic stories/videos/movies whether it is a true story or not.

I hate people who has a very good significant other, who really actually loves them and appreciates them.

I hate everything related to this. EVERY. SINGLE. THING.


Because if it doesn't happen to me, it DOESN'T EXIST.

Because all those represents lies. LIES.

And it represents FALSE HOPE.

Sure it happens, every once in a blue moon. But it certainly won't happen to me. Because it never had and it never will.

Yeah, i've LOST FAITH in them!

What? You think i'm wrong, buddy?



Friday, 6 January 2012

Surviving the Wilderness of Corporate vs School

I've faced the highschool teaching environment; teaching vocational students to be exact.

I've also faced the environment where i teach kindergarten and primary school kids.

I've experienced teaching environment for both categories for a few months although i know i really am not into teaching. After i gave it a go, i've realized that i just CAN'T endure teaching anymore.

But now is a little different. Sure, i'm not proud to admit how i really got this new job offer. But one thing is certain; i am here to experience a new kind of environment and gain certain skills before i really go out there in the 'wilderness'.

My new environment here is now a corporate environment.

My comment about this new environment? Well... I can say it's a different kind of stress than those i've faced during teaching times. When i was teaching, I can't even leave the classroom whenever i want, and i was responsible for the whole bunch of kids in the classroom. Dealing with people, especially sons and daughters of other people, sons and daughter of VARIOUS ages, are not the kind of stress and problem i can cope. I am not good in socializing, therefore i am not good in handling people. I mean, if we made mistakes in any way regarding handling these kids, the effect that will take its' toll to us are heavier. We have to face the parents of the kids, we have to take responsibility of the kids' behavior, manners, and everything we do will somehow influence the kids and shape them into what they will become in the future. Teachers are the role model for future lives of young humans, and to me, that is too much of a responsibility to handle. I don't like teaching, and i can't bear myself to ruin the lives of other people because of my indifference and ignorance of their future. (apart from hating to face the consequences of answering to the parents of the kids of course. kids nowadays don't respect teachers as much anymore you know.)

But in this new environment now, i'm experiencing handling documents instead of people. Sure, i have to entertain clients once in a while during meetings or making phone calls (the ONLY social contact needed for this job), but most of the time, i handle documents; arranging them, organizing them, making sure schedule goes as plan, recording minutes, doing reports, submitting them, organize meetings venues, etc. Handling documents and paperworks are okay to me, because paperworks doesn't have PARENTS and paperworks are not involved with facing the 1001 behaviors of people whose future depended on us in a way.

Yes, i admit there's stress in this work. I've only been working for the second day and the stress was completely overwhelming. I can finally feel the 'heat' of corporate stress when i followed my boss to attend a meeting of a project. I was just there to write down the issues, but i listened and tried to understand the issue at the same time. Hell, i can feel your pain, boss =_=" i was only a listener to the meeting on my 2nd day of work and i can already emphatize my boss's stress regarding handling the project.

But the stress was in a different way than the stress i've faced in my previous job. The current stress is more overwhelming, but somehow it's the kind of stress i've always been able to tolerate. This is the kind of stress where i rather and prefer to stay hungry and do my job continously until i finish it. It's the kind of stress where i am committed to tolerate to the level where i starve myself while doing the work and reward myself with food and leisure once i'm done.

It's the kind of stress i've always knew i can stand.

It's too early to judge, i know. I'm just stating my first impression towards this job. My personal impression might change again in another few months.

But so far, i think i can survive this. I THINK.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Summary of 2011

January - April

- Practicum at SMV Sg Buloh
- Learn to drive a car
- Travel back and forth to UNIHELL to discuss term paper
- Unforgettable experience and memories as a warden & teacher
- Found out bf cheated, broke up with him

May - August

- Finishing term paper
- Settling transcripts
- Coupled with a soldier
- Sending out resumes
- Attended a few interviews
- Bored at home as hell
- Depressed regarding the future
- Found out he's a pervert playboy and a cheater, broke up with him.

September - Early December

- First time working at COSMOTOTS iqd
- Experienced working with kids and could not handle the stress for long term
- Moved in with old friend in Cheras, first time renting far from family
- Graduated (convocation on 15 Oct)
- Argued with housemate for life, moved out for good
- Found out male best friend was a jerk, lose contact with him for good
- Resign job
- Attended another interview and got a new job

The rest of December

- Appreciating the last leisure time in comforts of home
- Super holiday 4 days straight
- Still thinking about what to do with my future
- Still no future plannings
- Crappy birthday

So there you have it. My summary of a crappy 2011. Most of the time spent was practicum, finishing the bloody term paper, attending interviews, working, resigned and got a new job.

Nothing special happened in 2011. I hope i can expect very good surprises out of 2o12, and make it a good memory i don't regret.

New Year resolution? I don't know.

Happy New Year, folks.