Sunday, 29 May 2011


It's time to move on.

Time to stop day-dreaming and hoping for impossible wishes that will never be fulfilled.

It is time to face reality and carry on with what is in front of me, of what i am sure of, not with what i have doubts in.

Don't be stupid and naive to trust things that looks vague.

You've learned your lesson a few times already.

It is time to focus on other things that matters more.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

I'm not stupid.

Sometimes you do things that flatters me.

But who knows if you're doing the same thing to other girls to flatter them of like how you did to me?

I know what i said about not minding to respect your boundaries and privacy.

But any fool can tell what you are up to by using that as an excuse.

To care is to share.

To hate is to avoid.

You are definitely trying your best to AVOID me.

And i know what avoiding means. You don't need to fool me.

I'll play along with your game if that is what you want.

But let us see who will truly win this war.


Friday, 20 May 2011

I know i deserve it, but you do too.

Glad we've made up and start fresh.

But i have definitely learned my lesson and will never forget what you did to me.

You didn't even sound guilty while you were the one who lied. You didn't even try to apologize. But i did whatever i had to do to save our friendship although i know it wasn't worth it at all.

I saved our friendship and make things up with you because i know this is a deserving karma for me, and that i hate having people hating me. I hate making enemies, that is why i tried my best to apologize to you instead so that you feel better, so you don't hate me anymore.

And by doing that leaves me a huge gap to hate you instead.

I know what i said about negative feelings will only bring you down. Unless you too apologizes, i WILL STAY hating you for what you have done to me.

Can't even trust my own best friend huh~

Will be extremely extra careful with whom to trust in the future.

p/s: perhaps i just need more time in order to forgive him. Better get back to snoozing before i start acting all crazy again! Zzzzz~!

A very valuable lesson.

Thanks to a few people, i have learned a very valuable lesson for myself.

In both negatively & postively.

I hate them of course. But i can't.

Because like how i learned from that person, negative feelings will only bring you down. You can feel them temporarily but don't let them conquer you into doing stupid things in the name of temporary satisfaction.

Because the consequences of doing so last a lifetime.

You won't know what will happen when you act out of anger.

You might lose the relationship you took so long to build.

You might lose the trust you work so hard to earn.

You might hurt the person deep enough for him/her to do stupid things him/herself due to your action out of anger. When you get angry and let the fury conquers you, you will definitely do hurtful actions by abusing physically or verbally to others.

When others feel hurt, they feel sad or angry. Again, the negative feelings that leads to irrational behavior. And these other people might do stupid things to himself/herself/others. And the people affected by the action of stupidity will be the ones feeling hurt, and might hurt other people as well due to anger or sadness.

Driven by the power of the feelings of negativity.

You need to understand the feelings are there for only temporary. If you let yourself be consumed of this madness, it will be a never-ending cycle.

It is not just better, but the best way to put an ending to the cycle is by avoiding from starting them at all.

How? By calming down, sitting down and temporarily distracting yourself from the fury until you feel calm and rational enough to give it a second thought.

My personal opinion is to sleep when you are angry. When you feel the burning rage is boiling within your veins, just immediately transfer yourself to your most comfortable bed, hug a pillow, turn on the air-condition or fan into full blast (as so to cool yourself down physically and mentally, heat will only generate more anger) and lullaby your eyes to sleep with calming, soothing songs.

When you wake up, you won't even remember why you have gotten so angry. Or you wouldn't feel as angry as you did the first time. You will start giving a second thought to the occurrence that caused anger towards you. You will start saying things like, "Why was i even that mad in the first place? thinking back, i don't think it is such a big deal anyway."

Ok, maybe you won't say things like that, but at least you will definitely feel less angry than the first time, hence leading to rational judgments and actions to overcome the problem or incident that has made you furious previously.

Therefore the conclusion to my story here is that i cannot hate the people who thought me the valuable lesson eventhough they have made my life miserable in a way.

And that is because i would not let the negative feelings call hate conquers me. When i do, i will definitely (not MOST definitely, but TOTALLY definitely) do stupid, irrational actions.

When i do that, like i have mentioned, it usually only gives me temporary satisfaction, but costs regret of a lifetime.

I won't hate them. But that doesn't mean i can't dislike them. You just can't force people to like you, especially after what they did affects you terribly emotionally & mentally.

Eventhough their excuses of doing so is for the better good of my future.

Only God can decide on what is for the better good of my future, not them.

Only God can determine on my punishments for what i did wrong, not mere people.

But then again, they were right in a way, and although their ways of teaching me a valuable lesson pained me, i am accepting in facing the pains. For the better good of my future.

Thank you for beating the crap outta me. Trying my best not to hate you guys. Don't blame me, i'm just a mere imperfect human. At least i'm trying right?

p/s: blogging, writing and having people reading what i am saying is a way to calm myself down. By distracting myself from the negative feelings :)

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Message to Mr. Snob

I finally got the number of Mr. Snob's so called best friend from my ex-boyfriend.

Why do i desperately wanted the phone number of this Mr. Snob's best friend? because i had a question to ask him, that i have been dying to ask for like forever.

I finally get to call the best friend, and asked him to confirm of his other best friend's identity, this Mr. Snob's identity.

Turns out... It was a huge karma.

I don't blame him for doing this to me because i have been doing the same thing to other people for the last 5 years. I deserve this karma thingy, i deserve my punishment so it really wasn't his fault. I feel bad of course, but i can't because i know i deserve it.

But seriously, now that i know he lied, i just want to know this small detail he'd missed out.

Who the hell is he? and again, WHO in GOD'S NAME, IS HE?

I'm not blaming you, Mr. Snob. Since i've uncovered your lies and trickeries, please just tell me who are you and i will get this over with.

And yes, the reason on why the hell did you have to lie about who you are in the first place.

Oh, and one more. Where the hell did you get my number and how are you related with my ex-boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend's friend whom you claim to be YOUR best friend?

Just explain to me everything because i have ended mine.

And yes, i promise i won't ever be mad at you because i shouldn't be.


Sunday, 15 May 2011

Jealousy? Signs?

ok here's the update i really want to record and tell you guys.

I have cleared out the questions i always had regarding the football player's feelings towards me. And he finally admitted that...

He doesn't have any sort of deep feelings for me. He only likes me and treats me as a friend.

I was more relieved than frustrated when the answer i have been looking for slipped through his lips. I have told him about my true feelings towards him, and i told him that it's ok for not being able to love me like i have loved him.

Why? I told him because i already have someone in my life.

I really don't know what thoughts were running through his mind back then. but i can hear him laugh and congrats me happily, as if he was really happy for me that i have found someone else.

The thing is, it puzzles me when he suddenly asked this question afterwards:

"If you need to choose between me and him, who will you pick?"

I was like "WTH r u asking me this? what does that suppose to mean?"

But i answered "Neither. I can't choose between the two of you of course."

"Why?" he asked me

I answered jokingly, "Because i need to see who loves me more, only then i can choose which is the best hahaha."

He laughed. Then he suddenly said this to me, which i think was led by slight feelings of envy. "you know, it has been years since i last date someone. I don't know how it feels like to date someone anymore."

"That is because you caged ur heart and forbid anyone to enter. You are the one who rejects people and not wanting to let your heart love somebody else."

"But i still can't let her go. I still love her, you know. I still can't stop thinking of her."

I sighed. "it's good that you still remember her, but that won't really do YOU any good. Try and think back, she would have feel bad for you if she sees you alone and unhappy like this. she wants to see you happy and you need to let her go one day."

He went silent for a few seconds and continued, "I visited her grave yesterday. I can still feel her being around me. I know that she's still always there with me."

And i gave him a shocking reply. i told him, "Yes, it's good that you remember her and visited her grave. thats a noble thing. but she in reality she isn't really there with you. she is there only in your heart. the reality is that she is in her grave, answering questions from munkar & nankir, facing her test in the barzarkh."

It really shut him up afterwards. Really did. I gave him an answer as if shoving mud to his face.

Then he said he need to go already, bid me farewell and promise to contact me next week as usual.

I really don't get that guy. What? your manly ego is now scratched due to me not being able to pay attention to u anymore? huh~

* * *

i went out with him yesterday. The first... date. and things went pretty well. He was in short, quite charming.

But that's not the point here. what i really wanna say is something else that i found out about him, that is quite shocking to me.

He has the exact same hands i have.

You don't understand. you know that everyone has this linings on their palms right? and if you are able to notice, everyone has quite similar linings on their palm, eventhough not exactly the same, but still similar.

Everyone's linings on their palm will have these characteristics:

1) short, half line on the first line
2) short, half line on the second line
3) the first lines on your palm will turn into a bowl once you put your right and left palm side to side.

But mine is exactly different. it has different line features than the rest. my first line on the palm is broken into two. The second line on my both my palm is very, very long until it reached to the other end of my palm. it isn't short and half like the others. its really long. and my palm doesn't have a bowl shape when i put both palms side to side due to the broken line on the first line on my left paln, and line too short on my right palm.

i have been searching for people who has similar patterns of palm lining like mine, but none of them has the exact similar pattern like mine. NONE, i tell you.

But here he is, this guy i dated yesterday. I was hell surprised when i saw his palm. he has the exact similar pattern that i have on my palm! for both palms!

and you know what? he even has a broken first lining on his LEFT palm like i do!

I was like "omg, are you destined for me?? are you the one i have always been looking for all my life? is this a sign??"

This incident, this sign still puzzles me and amazes me untill today. I have finally found the person who has the similar palm lining like i do.

And i can't help thinking of the possibility that this might be a sign that we are destined.

Who knows how it will turn out? maybe he is, maybe he isnt.

If he isn't then its ok. i can't argue with that.

But if he is, then great! all praise to the mighty Lord for the sign He showed me :)

Whatever it is, it is still way too soon to tell.

But i'll make this relationship work if he does the same too.

End of story.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

6 Important life Lessons That Makes Sense

Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend

3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Read this positively. In short, DON'T JUDGE ME.

it has been quite some time since i last wrote in this blog huh? >_< i just don't know what to talk about thats all.

My updates? well..... i've finally finished my degree. the final assignment is to finish my term paper which only has 2 chapters left...

Planning to work part time at the movies (i hope) before receiving my degree certificate, and hoping to be able to work in a hotel or resort despite the certificate for teaching. or maybe in a media broadcasting field. (regretting of rejecting mass com in the first place huhuhu~ T_T)

Currently taking piano lessons (which is a pain in the ass to learn regarding the notes stuff), and currently bored at home, unemployed while trying to finish the term paper.

Social life? currently frustrated for not being able to hang out with my friends before the practicum ends due to variety excuses such as busy finishing the term paper, parents forbid to go out, and had returned to home town a little too early.

Love life? I still don't know that yet. Everything is still in the grey area for now. I still am not sure if he really is into me and the relationship, or if he doesn't take this seriously. cuz it's too soon to tell. i will try to make things work between us but if we end up not being able to complete each other or am not happy with each other, i wont be surprised when we break the relationship afterwards.

Cuz so far he doesn't seem committed enough, and we're like.... Just fooling around... cuz i still don't feel it yet you know... the being-in-love feel like i had before. maybe not yet, or maybe never. Who knows how this relationship will turn out right? only god knows, because like i said, it is still too early to judge whether this relationship between us would work or not. Every great, loving relationship needs to start somewhere. And to me, this is only the beginning of it. The 'starting' position.

If in time it matures and turns out a great relationship, Alhamdullilah, amin, and i'll pray to Allah for this jodoh to reach marriage and last till i die.

If in time it rots and ending up with a break up, i'll just be accepting, redha & pasrah.

I won't throw in much hope in this relationship, at least not yet. I still wanna see his reaction and commitment afterwards in the coming future. and i still don't know the real him yet. (i mean, his attitude when he's angry, his habit, whether he doesn't mind doing house chores, or his real personality around people, etc.)

Oh yeah, and this time, to hell with loyalty. Loyalty comes only if he deserves it. and he needs to earn it this time. i won't give it easily like the last time. I won't let myself be the one with heartbreak of frustration this time. i had enough with heartbreak and tears

Who is the lucky guy u might ask? oh well... i won't call it lucky, tho. Too soon to be called lucky. Who knows if it turned out the other way around? I'll only reveal his identity when i am completely sure that he is the one for me. IF he IS the one for me.

Ya know what i mean?

p/s: Praying to god for jodoh to come fast after attending a kenduri kahwin lol~ XP