It's a bit.. sad.. Really..
Because this year (2010), i couldn't celebrate mom's birthday officially with cakes and candles. As if like there's no birthday celebration for her.
And this year, is the important year whereby i turn 21, the most important birthday of my life. And sadly yet, there was no official celebration with cakes and candles for me either. No official celebration with my family, and no listening to my mom crying (or something like that) to witness that her first child has actually grown into an adult, the very first child of hers whom turn into an adult.
Even more sad is that, this year (2010), we found out about the things my dad hide from us that really had upset mom. And he did it twice.
Another sad part, or yet the most extreme sad event that occurred this year (2010), is when grandpa fell down and had his 2nd stroke, which caused him to strain his back and (maybe) paralysed from the waist down, which caused my mom having to take care of him including watching his father in law's dick and balls, change his diapers, clean after his piss and shits, bath him, and everything else.
Whats even more sad than the extreme part this year (2010) is that none of the siblings are willing to take turn to take care of their own dad (even my own dad, his son), and gave many excuses to escape from their responsibility, therefore leaving mom forced to handle the heavy burden alone on her shoulders, without anyone willing to help her.
Which then cause her to be stressed, moody, sulky, unhappy and grumpy at most times. Which then, cause her children (us) to feel as if they had lost her.
We missed the old her who screams our name early in the morning to wake us up so that we can eat breakfast at the mamak restaurant.
We missed the old her who tickles us out of the blue.
We missed her smiles and laughter. We missed her sincere and pure happiness.
And we hate it that she turned all sort of negative things now just because of this stupid grandpa problem that SHE needs to handle ALONE.
We just want our old mom back. And i won't mind to do whatever it takes to get the old her back, even if she wanted to divorce or run away and rent somewhere else far from dad and his family. If that's what will makes her happy then i am all 100% supportive of it.
Another sad thing this year (2010) is that, i am all alone again when facing an important event. All alone during New Year. It's sad to witness that this UNIHELL is going to be all dark, silent and lonely tonight, as most of the other students have gone back home to celebrate new year with their beloved ones. And here i am all alone inside this dark, silent, and lonely place.
I can't recall much of any good or improvement that happens to me this year. The only good memories or improvement i could remember (which i consider as important) for 2o10 was:
1) Learned to play guitar
2) Friends at college wish and sing happy birthday song for me.
3) Met my dream guy who truly loves me and made me a whole.
As for number 3), i really hope that we will last. I really feel, and want him to be the one for me for the rest of my life, and i have not regret knowing him.
Wishing for 2011 will be a better year, and a year where i start my new adulthood, independent life and my own carrier (and hopefully my own family/marriage).
Get lost 2010, and welcome 2011.
Happy New Year everyone.