Revealing the truth and put an end to it all.

It was hard for me to reveal the truth.

It was hard for me to go agaisnt the princip i have held for so many years.

as hard as a mother being forced to kill her children using her own hands.

Its THAT hard. But i did it anyway. I decided to end it because i care for my brother.

Because i want to contact him n be his 'brother' in real life.

Because i want to hang out with him and attend his seminars and chat with him n listen to his pep talk and advises by voice n not by text.

He's a great somebody, he's a great brother, a caring, wonderful n great brother.

And i don't wanna miss the chance of meeting him in person and talk to him in real life, to joke around with him n meet him up. I don't wanna miss that chance just because i lied n am using a fake identity.

I decided to take that risk because i care deeply for my brother, and because he cares deeply me. I don't have the heart to keep lying to someone as caring and wonderful as him. I want to contact him in real life n meet him in person as myself. The real me..

When i made that action, i felt guilty like hell that i can't stop crying. I was worried of how he will react. My heart was racing. It felt as if time moves too slow.

Suprisingly he didnt get mad. And shockingly and weird thing is that the first thing he asked when he called me for the first time was "Are you ok dik?"

I was so touched that i was literally speechless. Couldn't utter a single word n my tear dropped out of happiness. I was touched that he wasn't n doesn't sound mad at all. in fact he laughed and told me its okay. He convinced me that it was no big deal n he wasn't angry... (but i know deep inside he feels hurt and i am truly sorry for hurting him... I can never forgive myself.)

Finally, i get the chance to listen to his voice n talk to him instead of texting. And it was a blessing i can never ever repay him. It was a dream come true. Finally, FINALLY, i get to speak to him.

Its just a matter of time until i meet this great and wonderful guy in person. He is truly a somebody whom i look up to. I respect him, adore him, and idolize him with all my heart and soul for caring for me so much that he would still be willing to spend time for me although he was too busy n tired.

But those are before i told him the truth about me.

Now i hope, i REALLY hope that his love and care towards me will not change after i told him the truth. Maybe he won't be able to feel the same anymore.. I really hope that won't happen.

Because If he changes... If he stops caring for me just because he doesn't feel the same anymore due to the feelings of betrayal and hurt, i can't blame him for that.. I truly deserve it..

But i've risked telling him the truth so that we can be friends and true 'brothers' in real life.

If he truly change...

It will break my heart...

And that i have to accept it with an open heart... Tho it kills me...

I'm so sorry abg fad.. <=(

I hope we can, or are still brothers like we were, or still am.

I'm very sorry for hurting u.