Sunday, 31 January 2010





sick, sick, sick!!!



p/s: don't ask me what i'm FFFFFFFFFFFF-ing about.

Friday, 29 January 2010

What is so GREAT about being a teacher???

Being a teacher? what is so great about being a teacher?

Great that i'm able to be so-called creative to do freaking lesson plans every day?

Great that i'm able to stand in front of a bunch of students who may or may not listen to me?

Great that i could educate them when they can just go and learn from tuition centres or learn on their own?

Great that i might be a laughing stock for students who underestimate my capability of teaching?

Great for the sake of the bloody 'FFFF' teaching itself?!


I am not born to be a teacher. NO.

I want to live and die by doing the things i love. Or at least by doing things i enjoy doing, such as helping to console, consult and listen to people's problems and foremost; writing for entertainment; novels or scripts.

Teaching is definitely NOT one of them. In fact I have even somewhat sworn to myself during school years that i will never be a teacher.

I SUCK at communicating and socializing with people. having to stand in front of about 50 students and educate them is not what i am capable to do. i'm always a passive person. A quiet person. i am not outspoken with my words and opinions, and it is very hard for me to even engage in a bloody conversation with people i am close with.


I feel very uncomfortable. VERY, VERY uncomfortable. in fact, i feel so uncomfortable to the point where i can LITERALLY peed myself there. Perhaps i would just stand there and do nothing cuz i'm too scared to even talk to the students.

God, how can i NOT KNOW that TESL is about TEACHING? if i knew TESL was actually all about BLOODY TEACHING, i would have chosen mass com instead! Why was i so blind?!

p/s: i need help, ASAP.

Thursday, 28 January 2010

a strange dream.

Last night, i had this really weird dream.

Weird and mysterious and somewhat clear.

Usually its very hard for me to remember a dream after i woke up. But in this case, i remembered every single detail there was in the mysterious dream of mine.

Its a dream about a mysterious house, abandoned by the owner without anyone knowing the reason why. He left the house as if he was in a rush and wants to get out asap, that he didn't even bothered to get the house clean before he left, even left the laundries undone and leaving toys around and the dishes undone since may 2009. he never even bothered to come back to clean up the house after so long.

Or so i've heard.

It was a true story actually, about this abandoned house. The strange thing was that i dreamt what was inside the house and i got an unclear picture of what actually happened to the house and previous owner.

But even after i dreamed those, the question still remains unanswered.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Writer's block?

Finally, i've finished with my end-of-chapter's plot. The pictures are loud and clear in my head now. The blood, the agony, the scream, metal clashings and gigantic aura of power colliding.

Oh yes there will be deaths, there will be sacrifice.

I'm pretty satisfied.

But first, must finish outlining the middle plots and solving these conflicts.

And that is when the freaking writer's block came to me. BAD TIMING!

p/s: creating conflicts are easy. solving them is the hardest part of writing.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Old Syndrome: internet

The old syndrome has come to me again.

I don't understand why.

Each time i return to this bloody hell, i will stuck on the internet all day long thus leaving a much more important work behind me.

I need to do something about this, FAST.

p/s: oh, wth! just cut off the damn internet, hell!

Friday, 15 January 2010

Hell feels comfy :P

Back to hell, with lots of stuff.

Surprisingly hell's bedroom turns out to be very comfortable.

Even more comfy than last semester. :P

Feels like home.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Don't register to UNISEL!

Tomorrow, registration to hell will finally start.

Suprisingly many people will be willingly lining up to enroll.

I suggest you freshies-after-SPM people NOT to go enroll in UNISEL.

UNISEL SUCKS. Straight from the horrible management, the fees and the terrible studies.

Don't forget Mr Jananiaga too. 'He' is a cruel person.

Register to some other universities. You don't wanna be part of uniHELL.

If u did, you're asking for trouble.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

MUET Result


i dont know how i did it but i finally did it!

i seriously thought i was screwed.

i got band 4 for my muet result!



When somebody ask you a question, should you answer?

Or should you just shut the fuck up to avoid saying things that might make things worse than it already seems?

When somebody made a mistake, should he apologize, admit his mistakes, and promise he won't (hopefully) repeat it again?

or should he (again) just shut the fuck up to listen to the other person frustratingly scolding him regarding the mistakes he made to avoid the other person to use what he replied against him?

This is fuckingly frustrating. People made mistakes. i know i did mistakes. heck, who doesn't when it was one's first time doing something? i need more practise, i know.

But do you HAVE to repeat those mistakes and scold me about the mistakes i ALREADY KNOW along the way?? I'm SORRY i did it. But when you babble the mistakes i made along the way when i'm driving, it distracts me and i panicked because i was worried that mistake will happen again. Your orders and babbling drive me nuts!

If thousands of other people out there can bloody drive a car, why can't i? give me a chance for heaven's sake! it was only that ONE MISTAKE!

Friday, 8 January 2010

My own room!!!

so cool!

i finally like--- got my own bedroom!

thanks to my mom! (^^) wuvv u shooo much!!

finally a private space of my own!!! I finally got it!!

Because all my life, i never get to have my own room. I had to share with my sisters. It's not that i don't like to share with them or i don't like them.

I'm just a private person who likes to be all by myself, and i don't mind being alone in a place that much actually. i don't even have much friends because i am not good at socializing.

Even when i'm in a university, i have to share my room with someone.

I would really love to have my own room. and yesterday i suggest it to my mom to turn the store back room to become my room if we wont be moving out until this mid year.

The next day she really did it for me.

Thanks so much. i really appreciate it!


Thursday, 7 January 2010

Drivibg frustration

It's hard to keep yourself in a motivated mood and thoughts when this driving teacher kept on observing and pointing at your mistakes.

And it's even more frustrating when you are not given the chance to correct the mistakes you made, and wasting your precious and limited 8 hours driving lessons time by punishing you to do the boring and same thing thing that you already know.

I don't think 8 hours are enough for driving lessons.

But i'm desperately trying to motivate myself that i CAN drive. (T.T)


p/s: my legs hurt due to driving huhu

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

a strange sound?

Ok, i'm up at 5 something in the morning right now.

That is NOT my usual time regarding waking up in the morning. I was up because i gotta pee. After that i couldn't go back to sleep so i decided to just stay up.

I went down to surf the internet instead.

And something weird happened.

Suddenly, i heard this unusual sounds of a bird imitation from some kind of a machine, only faster in speed and definitely louder coming from outside. You can tell it was NOT a sound of a bird, and it was more towards a sound of a machine or a bird machine instead. It was a strange sound.

I bend over to the window and when i'd moved the curtains to see where the sound come from, the sound abruptly stops.

ABRUPTLY. a real bird doesn't stop singing that way. a machine does, when it was suddenly turned off.

Ok, then i continued surfing the net. a few minutes later i heard the same sound again. this time i manage to look out through the window but i couldn't find anything that could relate to the sound in logical sense.

Ans again, the sound would suddenly stopped abruptly.

This continued for about an hour.

And in my mind, my first impression towards the strange sound was "aliens."

p/s: i watched & read too many sci-fi stuff. but i didnt lie about the strange sound.

Monday, 4 January 2010


2 Last sem's result: around 3 pointer. (atas pagar)

Latest last sem's result: still around 3 pointer, still (atas pagar)

The result had not improved neither decreased (is that correct?) for the past few semesters.

Maintained under 3.10 and above 3.00 despite the awful stress.


Sunday, 3 January 2010

The craziness came to me again (^^)

My boyfriends, and will always be my beloved boyfriends are;

Zack Fair & Cloud Strife.

I love both of you guys forever & ever!

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Torture to 'death'

I can't stop whining about a lot of problems.

Its just me. my habit. thats just what i usually do to let out the stress.

But this time, my inner voice kept on screaming at my ears.

"Go fucking do something to change your life. You gotta start from somewhere somehow. Small steps are fine. The least you should do is to start moving your ass to work that out from somewhere."

And this time i wanna do it right.

Crying, tears, cursing, whining, that is all part of the change.

This year i will make sure i TORTURE myself to the limit that i myself cannot stand it. I will torture myself to the limit where i would fucking hate myself for doing it.

THE ultimate limit.

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!