Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Ranting on the next phase in life.

Been so busy lately that i hadn't had time to even update my blog. Besides, there's not much to talk about anymore except for the the stress and busyness after embracing the next phase in life; work.

Apart from teaching the kids who are never tired of driving me to wits end, i really don't know what to talk about. Just that i feel stress working long hours and being THIS busy, and always need to rush things, always need to do preparation for teaching, and always, always, always need to perform well every single day as i am evaluated and judge by my boss and colleagues daily. Since i've started working here, i've been so busy till i haven't had time to actually sit peacefully in my house, listen to the melodious songs in my playlist and continue the novel i've been working on.

Every single day i need to go to work as early as 8.15am and finishes at 6.30ish. You think i have free time at night? hell no. Once i came back home at night (feeling exhausted of course), i need to wash my clothes (i wash them everyday) and need to finish an evaluation form for the classes i taught earlier (of which i need to comment on specific details of EACH STUDENT in class and the activities), not to mention the need to prepare like tons of questions and outlining the storyline of a certain storybook for tomorrow's lesson.

And i need to steal some time during the busy working hours to mark the kids' exercise books as we cannot bring them back home (it's a strict rule in my workplace).

The tedious, never ending paperwork that comes by every single day... Adding with very, very, very less holidays for the workers, and not being able to take leave at all without any really, really, extremely reasonable reason. Even if we really had a reasonable reason, we can only take a day only... If possible, the boss would prefer half-day.

I asked my boss on leaves for marriage (just in case if i am going to get married and all) and she said the company only give 2 days leave and thats just it. Nice right?

Believe me, there's not a single day that went by without me thinking of when to quit my job and start being jobless again, and start finding another job. This job right now is FREAKING TIRING and the pay isn't at all worth the effort. Less pay, too much work, too little leave and holidays, strict rules and etc.

Why am i here? yeah i question that everyday too. I hate this job i'm doing right now. But i keep my head up and strengthen myself to face this stupid work the next day by reminding myself that i am working there for only temporary and i will quit one day to find a better job that gives better payment and satisfaction. I'll give myself 2 years max and i'll quit after that. The reason i work there now is to gain the experience so that i can write in my resume that i have a few years of working experience than having to write 'fresh graduate: zero working experience' in the title of the resume, and hopefully have a better chance of getting a better job.

Oh yeah, and i've been wandering around an expo that was advertising houses with my friend one day. One of the company is selling this huge, luxurious looking house that made me fell in love straight away. And then i immediately wonder "How the hell am i going to afford this kind of house and life with this stupid job with small pay that i am having right now?"

So since then i planted a desire in myself... I am determine to start planning big and aim for bigger things in life than just going with the flow (as in going to work with small pay, do normal things after work, sleep, and continue working again and being paid with small salary again). I need to think of a way to afford that kind of house, and to afford expensive cars. There's always a way and i'm going to think of one.

Oh, and also thinking of ways to not let my passion dies again too.

Right now i can only afford small apartment with very, very, very little furniture (which makes me feel sad at times to see this house so empty as if a robber had came and robbed us). But i'm happy enough and i feel comfortable enough already.

But then, i am determine not to let this current situation goes on for too long. Don't get me wrong. It's not that i am not grateful, i really actually am. I am happy with my current situation now, but i am determine to do better.

At least for the sake of my comfort, my parents' comfort, and my future husband and kids (if i have any later).

But right now, all i can do is to stay strong to go through these tedious work for a few years before i move on to something better, or until I've come up with a better plan to afford the expensive house, cars and dreams i targeted. (hopefully, Insyaallah).

Please pray for me to be able to find a way to escape this new hell asap.

p/s: at least this new hell pays me(although very little and doesn't suit my level of education), instead of having to bust my ass for free.