Monday, 28 December 2009

2010: a year of change

Positive mindset. 2010 is a year of change

a year where i am officially an adult.

my favourite age. my favourite year.

And i'll make sure i'll leave eternal footprints of positive memoir within the year.

Here's the list.

1) Be a hardworking student and score at least 3.5

2) Be a better slave to Allah

3) Exercise every evening as a routine; (must reach 55kg by my next birthday)

4) Finish my novels and send them to be published

5) Get driving license and get used to drive cars

Okay ladies and gentlemen. 5 big goals to achieve within the year. deadline will be my birthday. my next 21st birthday that is. And when the time comes, we'll see the result. (^,^)

p/s: please let me be able to continuously motivate myself! there's only 5 goals to achieve within 365 days!

Friday, 25 December 2009

I suck.

I'm terrible. I suck. I really suck.

And i doubt on making changes this coming 2010.

Suck at becoming a helpful person.

Suck at studying.

Suck at love.

Suck at being grateful.

Suck at controlling my appetite.

Suck at making friends.

Suck at comforting friends.

Suck at trusting the right people.

Suck at being a good slave to god.

Suck at everything, i guess.

The only thing i think i'm good at is... Well... Lying. Pretending. Hurting people. Cursing. Playing the guitar. Writing novels. Hmm, what else?

Nah, i'm pretty much of a loser actually.

It's time to make some changes. Stop being sorry for myself. DO SOMETHING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

It's time to make a fucking I-Must-Do-These-Things-By-End-Of-2010 checklist.

Saturday, 19 December 2009

A year that i have been waitting for.

Okay... this sucks. This really sucks.

I have no access to my favourite internet connection at home.

Although i'm currently struggling to take my license, that strange feelings of excitement that should accompany me had long fled my heart and soul.

Pendek cerita, sudah tawar hati.

I'm rushing to take my license under the name of responsibility and not just for fun anymore.

And next year, i'm going to step into adulthood. Which is pretty cool actually.

But the problem is that...

The package comes with a set of heavy responsibilities and heavier loads of ASSIGNMENTS.

Shit. No fun anymore.

Sunday, 6 December 2009

Red Handed.

He's really a true writer.

A writer can always make up stories anytime, anywhere.

or in other words, bluffing.

He's a true writer alright. That's the positive way to look at this particular matter.

Because the negative way to look at it was;

He was caught lying.


p/s: how darn pathetic and desperate can you be?

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Welcome to Adulthood~

2010. I'm hoping to make changes within that year. Striving towards excellence.

Because it's the very year that i turn 21.

A number that qualifies you officially into adulthood.

And for that, i have to be more responsible not just to myself but also others. I'm not a kid anymore therefore i have to make sure i can do things without relying on people anymore, especially my parents.

and hopefully i'll manage to graduate, get a job, buy my own house, car, furnitures, stuffs, and get married as soon as possible.

God, i just can't wait to grow up fast!

p/s: i hate teenagehood. adulthood here i come~!

Friday, 4 December 2009

Death of an unknown neighbour.

There was a disturbing and shocking news today.

My..Erm... snobbish neighbour was found dead in his home today, about 2am by his wife.

How did i know? Because my mom heard the wife cried out and scream out loud when she found her husband was lying dead on the bed, in their master bedroom.

We have always called him 'Cicak Kubing' as he was really, really thin. Like skeleton thin.

We were told that that neighbour of ours had been really sick for a week. And today he died in his sleep.

I don't know what to say. Of course it was a bit shocking. but just a bit. Although we have been neighbors (as in LITERALLY next door neigbors) for 8 years, we hadn't actually gotten to know each other. Despite of my mom being really kind and helpful to comfort the wife and was first there when the discovery of his death happened, the wife didn't even remember my mom's name. But my mom remember hers.

That's one of the example of how snobbish and how 'unclose' we were with each other. They weren't friendly people. In fact they despise us, especially the dead husband. he thought it was like a bad luck to have malay neighbors next to them. And ironically the malay neighbor was the one that was there to help them when they were in trouble.

I don't feel any grief at all. In fact i think it's really interesting to be witnessing a real Chinese funeral happening right next to your home. And it's really interesting to know and witness someone you know died, and he lived right next door. I've never experience much deaths of people, especially of the ones i know.

But it's kinda shocking you know. You'll never know when your turn will be.

p/s: awwh! they put on curtains to block others from viewing the funeral! damn!

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Deep hatred to a particular human.

I feel like i wanted to cry but there's no more tears left in me.

Or that i refused to let the tears fall down for an unworthy human.

I don't give a shit about a guy who doesn't love and care about me.

And i don't give a damn about people who just never bothered to care.

I have enough of getting hurt.

I hate you so much, you fucking asshole. I hope you'll die soon. I WISH for your death to come soon!

Die and rot in hell!!!

Fuck guys who think they're just too good for any women.


God, i just can't stand this fucking fury. It's burning!



p/s: reader's discretion is advised.

Wednesday, 2 December 2009


I love exploring new places.

I mean new cities.

Many things happened and i don't know where to start.

First, exam.

Second, i can't wait to get my license done.

Third, i LOVE walking while exploring new cities and shopping complexes even though my legs felt like it would come off my bones. It felt like exercising.

Fourth, I need to stay putting and loving myself more than other people; of which i mean by men.


I'm really desperate. Like desperado desperate. I need to lose my fucking weight. I need to go thin. I can't stand it being fat like this.

Oh and another thing. i need to do something regarding my skin. it frequently grew ZITS all over em and it wont go away even though after i've tried MANY different types of face cleanser.

The final matter. Change my perspective, my view to more positive thinking and actually doing something good instead of complainning.

oh yeah. I need to shut my mouth more frequently. I just talked too much. Okay, i complained too much. I just hate my boring and pathetic life. oops, there i go again.

But its the fucking truth!

this will all be done. I'm sure of it! and it starts TODAY!!!