I still have it in me!!!

Finally, i've bought and a proud owner of a new green laptop!

And with this laptop, i began the old passion i've left for so long; writing.

To my surprise, i can still produce a piece of literature, tailored  by words i didn't even realize knowing, let alone producing!

I felt like crying. I really thought i've lost it.

Am really proud of myself.

The small writer's soul in my had been waiting for years to be unleashed all along.

Dear my skill for writing,

Thank you for hanging in there, buddy!

Kids = Parasites

You know, after i’ve done some thinking, i’ve realised something about me that i never focused on or noticed before. Like, really acknowledging it.

I’m not ready for a family.

Not ready for having kids. And that i never liked kids.

Its really ironic, because i have the talent for ideas to teach children interesting stuff. I can hold a story book and spontaneously just come up with activities i can do with it in order to teach them.

But i don’t like kids. I don’t like to make a fool out of myself in order to entertain children like i’m barney and friends. I don’t like pretending to be all cheerful and happy and lively to get the kids’ attention. I don’t have the patience to deal with children’s stubborn and giddy attitudes. And i especially hate it when i have to do a lot of make-believe stuff towards kids so i can either get them to behave and listen to me or simply get them to enjoy learning. 

I do not deny that it is very funny indeed to see them all hyped or crying over something i just made up. For example, drawing a teddy bear on the white board and told them it’s their teddy, and everytime they misbehave, i’ll erase the body bit by bit. Children are naive. They BELIEVE. And they can go to the extent of crying like hell when i erased their teddy on the whiteboard. It’s funny alright. But i feel stupid. I feel like i’m making a fool out of myself and i feel stupid to do these make-believe and having to pretend its real. 

I feel awfully, awfully stupid for this. And i hate it.

This includes babies.

I just realized i feel awkward around babies and i really don’t know what to do with them, seriously. I feel much comfortable dealing with cute cats than cute babies. I much preferred cats than babies. Same thing. I hate to have to pretend all cheerful and lively when dealing with children or babies. I honestly never have that desire of wanting kids of my own. Well, i never said i will NEVER have any. I’m just saying, the desire isn’t there. I won’t prefer to have children or babies, but if fate tells me i’ll be a parent someday, then i won’t reject that.

Some people wanted children of their own so badly that it became a goal, a dream. But not me. My goal is to achieve stability in life. My own car, my own house, my own furniture,  my own life. I don’t dream big. I prefer a modest. solitary life. 

So back to the topic. The root of what i’m trying to say here is that, I realized i just don’t like kids.. Because you know, once you have kids, they will chain you up like a big, heavy metal ball to your ankle. Once you have a child, you can say goodbye to travelling, or going to the movies, or shopping, or pleasuring yourselves at the spa or massage parlor. Say goodbye to your hot two-seat car and say hello to a crappy mini-van instead. Once you have a child, it’s not just about you anymore. It’s all about responsibilities. And that child isn’t gonna go away in two or three days, no. That child is going to grow up and stick with you for the rest of your lives. You will have to start separating your money to pay the needs for your children; tuition fees, food, toys, clothing, a lot of other stuff. No more spoiling yourself with buying cool gadgets, or going out with friends. It will be all about your children, and that responsibility will stick either until you die, or until they have a family of their own one day, which will be an extremely, extremely long time.

And to me, that is a heavy price to pay. That requires too heavy of a sacrifice, and i don’t think i’m ready for that, or if i ever will be.

I’m definitely not ready to let go of the joy of NOT being a parent. I certainly DO NOT enjoy having to care for little kids or babies.

Realizing this fact made me feel better about my life now. I’m currently single, with no commitment. No one to really have to take care of except giving my parents some money from my paycheck. I have all the freedom i need, and i can go anywhere i want, whenever i want. I can spend my money however i want, buying whatever i want, without the need to sacrifice it to fill the need of others.

I am happy now. And i appreciate my life now.

I’ll have to enjoy this freedom to the limit before it’s taken away from me once i have children someday.

Go single life!!