Self-Reminder

I know that i might not be a good person.

I'm a terrible sister, friend, colleague, daughter, employee, slave, etc...

I want to make things right. One at a time.

I know i might not be able to recite the verses fluently like other people who can...

But i want to try. And i want to finish it this time no matter what happens.

Because the last time i recited them, it gave me peace. Just that i was too full of ego to finish the whole thing in front of everyone else because i was ashamed if they found out i am a very slow and weak reciter.

Therefore tomorrow, Dear Allah, please remind me...

Remind me to stay home tomorrow, to perform prayers, to seek forgiveness, and to recite the Yaasin.

I want to. I want to finish it. Please do give me a boost for that tomorrow dear Allah.

Amin.

1st time experiencing car accident

memorable day ever!

Was just going to meet him for the first time, and was waiting for him to come down from his apartment when a car suddenly showed up in front of me.

i wanted to move the car to the left. i miscalculated the distance.

and u know, the car's right tire goes straight into the drain n got stuck there.

luckily it happened inside the police force's apartment area, so a few of them came down with him to help me.

tq so muchhhhh! although it leaves me a wrecked front bumper.

and lesson learned:

dont come near drains again. urgh!

A message for Miss K. Yes, you.

To whom-it-may-concern,

I hope you are reading this. You know who you are Miss K.

I thought i knew you. I thought i could deal with you. I thought i could help you.

He thought he knew you. He thought he could tame you. He thought he could change you.

We loved you and cared for you.

But you never did. Not to yourself.

We did everything in our power to help you change, we did everything we can to protect you from being tainted nor touched again. We did so many things to ensure you won't get your heart broken again nor being used in any way. All you have to do is to listen to him, listen to me, listen to your family, listen to people who care about you. They restrain you with bars and chains because they love you too much.

But you didn't understand. You keep breaking every single lock that distance you away from freedom. You are often led by your innocence of the world, of your naive-self. We knew better, and your family knew better but you never listened.

We lovED you and we carED for you.

Hence, the PAST TENSE.

I don't know what to do with you anymore. He simply gave up on you, led by countless of frustrations and disappointments in you.

But one thing is certain. We had enough. The both of us.

Do what you feel is good for you. I won't stop you anymore, neither will he. You are permitted to break every single rule if you please. But do at least one thing for me please.

Don't involve me, don't let me know about it because i don't want to know and most importantly,

Don't involve our home (if you still feel like living with me since you've blocked me from your facebook and went to work so early in the morning just so you don't have to face and talk to me).

If you feel like leaving, please leave some money for the water and electricity bill as well as your last part of the rent on the table in the living room, along with the keys for the gate, the front door and your bedroom door on the table. write a note on a piece of paper, clarifying that you will leave/have left the house and have left nothing of your property.

If you still feel like staying, i don't mind. Stay all you want. Don't worry, we'll take this matter professionally. I'll act as if the argument between us never happened, and i will remain ignorant on your personal life from now on. We will still remain as housemates, except that we will be the housemates who are not involving anything personal with each other.

And again, please remember the rules above.

Don't involve me, don't let me know anything of your personal life anymore because i really had enough, and DON'T INVOLVE OUR HOME.

Yours Sincerely,

Someone who used to care about you.

Family vs Friend/Boyfriend

I don't like being too close to anyone other than my family.

Because the closer you are to someone, the more you care and love for someone, the worse the pain becomes when they started hurting you.

Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc... They can leave you just like that when things might go ugly between you and them. They can walk away from your life and erase you from their chapters as if you and them had been strangers all these while. Friends, boyfriends, etc.. They can walk away when things go ugly because they have a choice.

But not families. Families stick together. Families are there and will always be there for you since you were born right until the very moment you rest your eyes forever.

Family ties, bond, and the same blood flowing in each member are permanent and remain true no matter how hard you try to deny it; the blood within your veins and your family members' veins are one of the same and it unites you and them together...

Even when you don't disagree with them or the other way around...

Even when you had a world war 3 argument with them...

Even if you and them hate each other so much, you just can't deny that his/her blood is flowing in you too, and they have a stronger connection to you more than anyone else you knew. They live under one roof with you since you were born, they knew you better than your best friend in the world.

Family will never leave you no matter what happen because they are your family.

Family will never leave you when you go through ugly times with them or anyone else because they can't. They never have the choice. Even if they claim to disown you, the blood in you and them are still the same. Fact remains fact. The bond cannot be untied.

Whereas your best friends or boyfriends or husbands or wives can choose to leave you and have the right to pretend you and them are strangers after they walk away because they have no connection to you whatsoever, even if you claim your bond with them is way stronger than with your families.

That is why, i don't like to be too close with people other than my family. That is why i will always have a gap between me and those unrelated to me. That is why i often feel uncomfortable to share too much, or being me, or being engaged in a 2 way conversation with people other than my family.

I love my family to death and no one knows me best other than them.

Because no matter how much we argue, i know my family will never walk away from my life unlike my previous/current friends/boyfriends.

I hope this clear things out to those people who felt bewildered with my behavior when trying to socialize with me.

But that doesn't mean i don't appreciate my current friends. I appreciate them a lot and i still socialize with them. I just happen to feel more comfortable being with my family members that's all.

Because i won't know when will my current friends leave me and pretend we never know each other. Being too close or give too much love and care towards people other than your family will hurt you in the end. Don't deny me, i know all of you have similar experiences.

No matter how much you love your boyfriends/girlfriends/friends/husbands/wives, remember to love you family way more.

Because family have always been there for you and will always be there for you, and the connection you have between you and them are eternal and lasts forever.