It was a MISTAKE.

There are so many things i wanted to talk about, but i'm not sure where to start, where to begin.

But one thing is for sure.

I've tried, i really do. But now all i can see are mistakes.

I just can't imagine myself doing THAT job for even the next one year. I really can't.

Aside from the stressful rushing hours, no allocation of time and place for muslims to perform prayers, the environment filled with pork and huge rats, the all-female-domination-of-the-place, the ignorance of religion, the small salary, lonely, and the 'being-evaluated-everyday-and-must-perform-perfectly' work results, i just can't see myself doing that sort of thing.

Yes, i know. It has only been 3 and a half months. It's still too early for me to judge.

No, You-Are-Wrong.

3 and a half months are already LONG enough for me to judge that this job isn't suitable for me.

I mean, it's not that i can't teach. I actually can, no problem. You can ask me to teach and i will do it. I have no problem teaching.

The problem is that, teaching and GAIN their INTEREST in paying attention. That's my big problem; how to gain their attention.

The solution my dear kind colleagues taught me was to change my personality and be a more 'lively' and 'animated' person. It reduced me to dust the moment i heard them say "NO, you HAVE to LEARN to be lively."

I am lively... Only to my family members and to the closest friends who are very limited in my circle of life. But to judge me generally, i am not a lively person. Generally and naturally, i am a very, very, very passive, introvert and a quiet person who prefers to listen instead of talking, who prefers reading or chatting silently on the internet rather than talking and communicating face to face.

I am that kind of person and i am comfortable with the way i am, even if it serves me limited amount of friends.

And this teaching career is forcing me to become a person i am NOT.

Its not that i hate teaching. I just don't like teaching. Yes, that's one of the reason of me deciding that this job was a mistake. But people will say 'hey, having a job doesn't mean you have to like doing it.' Yes i agree.

And like i said, i don't like teaching but i CAN teach if it is necessary. Teaching is not a problem to me.

It's teaching with 'attitude'. That, my friend, is a huge problem for me because it contradicts totally with who i really am.

They wanted me to become who i am not and hate to be, and will never, ever be.

Therefore i have decided. Although i will be disappointing a lot of people with this decision, but it is final; i've tried, i really have tried but teaching career was a mistake.

I admit, being in this job helped enhance my english communication skills. But nevertheless, it was and still is a mistake. I can teach, but i can never teach with an attitude or being 'lively'. That is not me.

My dream is to actually publish my own novel or drama/movie, however i have always been imagining myself working in a corporate environment, ever since i was young. I swore to myself when i was a teen that i will never be a teacher because i know i can't. I've always imagined having my own cubicle, sitting quietly in it for hours, working silently (or pretending to work anyway), and taking short breaks anytime i wanted to, and being stressed in THAT kind of working environment. NEVER teaching.

In fact, i've even been wondering and considering to find the course where i will end up working in my own cubicle when i was taking my SPM. But i failed to find any because people thought of me being ridiculous to actually aim that low, and that they only serve 'big' courses like bio-chemistry, computer engineering and all that sorta stuff.

I know i was being ridiculous, but i don't know why i've always imagined myself having THAT sort of job and would prefer to, because that way, i will be able to just focus on my work and sit silently in my own cubicle without the need to really communicate that much with people. (not to mention the 'pretending to be working' part and will have more free time to actually do what i want as i can steal short breaks whenever i can)

Just kidding. I won't really do that, not often tho. I will do it, but only when i really need it.

I am an introvert, passive, and generally both naturally quiet, who prefers to sit quietly and do my own work instead of talking to people or communicating. Marketing and teaching is not my type of career.

It's more towards having my own cubicle and working in a real office. Yes, that is my type of working environment i feel closer, comfortable and more suitable to my personality.

Therefore i quit the teaching job and i don't regret a single minute of it.

I really hope this future job works out for me just fine.

Pray hard for me please :)