Tears within a happy smile

Soon, just a little sooner, these years of hell will end.

The hell of studying like a nutcrack everytime test or exams are around the corner

The hell of exams & test itself

The hell of assignments

The hell of presentations

The hell of boredom of being stuck in a middle of nowhere

The hell of watching all my money disappear into paying for the printouts, handouts and stuff for assignments & teaching at school without income coming in for the past 4 years

The hell of learning things i have no interest in.

The hell of listening to babbles of lecturers and other people who force us to become a teacher (as if~ huh!)

The hell of every single thing in studying, & study life.

I won't miss a single bit of it.

The same goes to my practicum. I don't hate practicum as much as i hate studying because practicum is actually an experience of working itself. The only problem is that we don't get paid during practicum & that we are continuously 'bullied' as the label 'practical teachers' are written so obviously on our foreheads ; and that is the negative part that i hate about practicum.

Aside from the terribly disrespectful students, lah.

But then when the end of practicum is coming, i realized that i am actually very fond of those students despite them making my blood boils everytime i enter the class. I realized that i actually care for them, i really do.

And that... I actually feel really, really sad when i look at their faces, knowing the fact that i will leave them one day and never turn back.

Despite them making me reaching to the wits' ends to the point where i literally lost my voice, cried, shouted like nuts, and got extremely angry that i left the class without saying a word.

*sigh* i sure am gonna miss those naughty kids.

But i do not, and will never regret my choice of leaving this field forever. I WILL NEVER TURN BACK, AND NEVER WILL I TEACH, EVER, EVER AGAIN.

Despite of all the good & bitter memories, i appreciate them, but teaching is NOT ME. I clearly state to my students that this will be the last for me to teach. I won't turn back to this field anymore.

NEVER.