Friendship Lagoon

Friendship Lagoon.

Just watched the Gulliver's Travels where the character mentioned about "don't let yourself be trapped inside the Friendship Lagoon, because it's painful."

My mind immediately formed a clear picture of him.

It is already clear between us that i love him, and he too shows various of signs that he's into me as well. But the clear picture still seems pretty vague.

He still have not made it clear to me regarding his true feelings about me, about us while i did. And each time i pushed him into confessing, he will just run away. He will try his best to turn the table back to me and avoid answering the question i want to know most.

Up to the point where i just stop freaking care anymore.

And yes, i am pretty much still halfway stuck inside the freaking Friendship Lagoon. Except that i have confessed but did not get my reply.

Still halfway stuck. Half of my heart is still waiting for him, still lighting and gripping hard on the hope of him feeling the same way i do and bring this friendship to the next level.

But then, like i said, i have reached a point where i just stop caring anymore. Therefore another half part of my heart is already free, not giving a damn to whatever it is that he will reply me regarding the biggest friendship dilemma between us.

So what if he actually doesn't have the same feelings? I would be more than happy to continue being best friends with him. The only male best friend i ever have, and probably will ever have.

Once i get the answer from him, be it negative or positive, then i will finally break free from the trap of Friendship Lagoon.

We still pretty much have that wall-of-space-and-separation which separates us from being too close together. Everytime i tried tearing that wall, he will just build them up all over again. He's trying so hard to avoid the big question.

Leaving me behind the thick wall. Leaving me in the Friendship Lagoon.

*sigh* not to say that i didn't move on. I did. I already have someone else in my life actually, who knows nothing about him and never will.

Ok, he did knows a bit about this best friend of mine. Except that i did not mention the gender. =_=" i don't want to create chaos you know.

But the thing is, i'm not actually 100% sure with this guy. Sure that i've met his family, his relatives, his siblings etc~ And yes he's a cutie. And yes, he did mentioned about 'once we get married' and etc~ And yes, he sounded serious to be with me and such. and yes again, he's a real cutie. (the only one thing i love most about him because he's pretty much a boring person)

But you know, i'm not feeling it with him... Not yet maybe. I don't feel the love vibe when with him. Sure i missed him at times but... I don't know. I'm not and trying my best not to putting any hopes of us taking this relationship to the next level. If we did make it to marriage, cool then. But if we can't make it, then too bad and no hard feelings. (i do still am sorta waiting for my best friend tho)

Why? because i have enough feeling disappointed with stupid hopes that will never come true.

I won't feel too frustrated if we ended up with a relationship break-up because i've always seen that coming everytime i think of him. I've always feel that coming when i think of him. Our relationship looks too fragile that it looked like we can just break-up anytime even due to small, silly reasons. He just doesn't look like he cares of me and what i do, he doesn't look like he misses me, he doesn't talk much with me, he never mentioned he loves me first, he never say the lovey-dovey words that couples should be saying to one another with me, he never asked to see me first, hiding in the car when we come across a few of his friends, adding random cute girls on FB to make friends with and ignoring what i felt when i scold him about it, rarely calls me to ask how i'm doing and so much more. For now, these are the only things i can think of him.

But he's not all bad. There's still a pint of goodness in him, such as worrying of me driving by myself and wanting to know if i have arrived safely at home, buying me drinks without me asking for it, paying for foods and drinks without me asking him to (thats common huh?), a very, very, very good listener (cared a lot when i told him i have problems, listened to every single word and comforted me), very loving to children (can be a loving dad), being cute (what? i just can't help it!), regret so much when he did stuff that i don't approve, and more things that i can't think of currently.

The point here is, i just am not feeling it with this guy and not putting on high hopes that we'll be together for a long time (eventhough i really would love and appreciate it if we did). And i'm still waiting for the big answer from my best friend in order to release myself from the Friendship Lagoon.

I've bore you with my mumbling of stupid relationships huh? haha~

If you care about me, or if you're a busybody (like me), you would want to know the updates in my life. But if you're a stranger and not giving a damn to whatever that happens to me, then feel free to read this other blog of mine, and this one too.

You might be interested to read that blog than this one, because ima talk about all the stupid things in my life in this blog.

Just so that i can reflect what i did in the past, kinda like my online public diary.

And for other people to read about me and what happen in my life once i'm no longer in this world soon. Just for the memories.

God, look at how much random craps i've written LOL~ ignore this post tq heeee~