I got a lot of things to talk about actually. Different things. And i don't know which one should i tell first or how should i start telling the whole thing without babbling too much on other less important matters.
Oh well, there i go again :)
But let start things with this latest issue that happened recently.
My third friend is getting married; the friend where we used to hang out together during recess at school, the friend where i sit together with each time 'religion lesson' comes up in the schedule, the friend we hang out at the library with, two of my highschool friends i know, are married.
Damn, i feel old.
Which then made me wonder... How i really appreciate single life (for now)
I mean, look at them. They're still young and there they go ending their care-free life by carrying a heavy responsibility on their shoulder? aren't they afraid? Well I do at least. I don't think i'm ready and might never will. I am afraid of the responsibilities of marriage because marriage isn't a temporary play-time-thing like when how we played 'kahwin-kahwin' during our childhood, and just call it a day and return to our parents once we've finished playing wife or husband, or got bored of it, no. Marriage is REAL, and the responsibilities of caring for our other half once we are entitled to the oath and vows, is no game. The key to heaven, NOR hell, lies in how well we drive our marriage.
And how WELL we care for our husband (as for women)
If you're asking me, i'm a terrible girlfriend myself, a terrible daughter and terrible cat-owner, let alone getting myself to be someone's wife; i'm gonna be a TERRIBLE wife, and that will book me a ticket straight to hell. I'm not ready yet for that.
I'm not ready to face the arguments that will come after marriage, i am not ready to actually carry the duties of a wife, and i am certainly not ready yet to let go of my freedom (of being able to flirt with guys without any commitment whatsoever).
And then i wonder... Are they?
They let their freedom go so early, to commit and be a 'slave' to a man for their eternity (if given a chance that they have married the wrong kind of guy), and if they did married the wrong guy, there is no turning back and you're stuck with him for the rest of your life. Why did they destroy and let go of what they have now to risk themselves into that kind of world? to sink themselves to that kind of problems? i mean, why too early?
Aren't they afraid of making the wrong choice? aren't they afraid of the responsibilities they will be facing? are they that confident in carrying out that kind of duty?
Marriage isn't just about legalizing sex. It's a ticket to a much larger problem. A BIGGER problem, and that will add once they get a few babies on the way.
The arguments, the conflicts, the chance of your husband cheating on you just because he can, the responsibilities of a wife, the doing-house-chores-and-be-ur-husband's-slave-when-he-gets-back-from-work, the taking-care-of-babies-that-your-husband-won't-help-you-with, worrying about money to raise the kids, to set food on the table, for the kid's clothes, education, the ego-wars, the ARGUMENTS, the endless nights of crying, the feeling of being forced to stay loyal to a man you might lose your interest with after passing years, the feeling of betrayal, the tears, the pain of giving birth, the pain when your husband ignores you when you need someone most, the pain of not being able to find or be with another guy that could actually really make you happy without being labelled heavily sinned and unforgivable...
And the list goes on and on and on...
I can list down a thousand more fears of marriage if you really want me to. The reasons above are just small part of it.
And hell yeah, i'm NOT ready to marry to face even one of the above.
And i wonder WHY my friend were, and were not afraid nor having the slightest doubt in their minds and hearts for letting go of their freedom... Just to be a 'slave' to a man who might stop appreciating them and find a new girl after a few years.
I just can't make out any sense out of their actions.
Love? PFFFFTTTT~ love won't even reason you with HALF of the problems you will be facing afterwards, my friends. Love, easy come and easy go. THAT is love. and LOVE is certainly not a good reason for me to believe that you're gonna give up your whole life to enslave yourself to the man who might will only make u suffer.
Why? Because too me, love is a very stupid reason to risk yourself for a doomed eternity. Eternal is a LONG time. To me, you, your freedom and your life now is far too valuable to deserve such torment caused by marriage. Sure you'll get married soon anyways. But for sure, it shouldn't be THAT young. They are wasting their youth to face an early torment. And to me that is such a stupid thing to do, even stupider if their reason was 'love'.
I just don't understand them.
Oh well. I just hope things will work out for them; which i believe it won't.
p/s: i'm sorry, i'm just sharing my honest opinion.
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