Soulmate Found.

I've forgotten what it felt like, to be in love.

It had been too long, and i can't even remember when was the last time i've experienced such genuine feeling like this. 

All my life, i've build walls around me, trying to avoid anyone from getting close to my heart, so that one day when he starts to hurt me nor disappoint me, i can just shoo him away without the slightest feeling of remorse. I live in defense of not getting hurt, and to do that, i do not love.

I am in control of my feeling. Me. No one can force me to love and i won't either. I've felt how painful it was to get hurt by someone i cared. I've seen and heard a lot of situations where loving a person will never be worth the effort and sacrifice. As lonely as it might be, my heart was for me and me alone. 

Was.

Yes, i have a lot of guy friends. I flirt with dozens of people, and i've even dated a few of them. I was in search of someone whom might be able to break me free from my own prison, and prove to me he is worth the pain. True enough, i've gone through a LOT of blind dates with these random guys, ask my family how it was for me. I kept sacrificing my precious, limited day offs just to spend time to get to know these guys, one guy after another.

None of them interests me. 

But not to be rude, of course, we live in a harmonious world where hypocrisy is essential to maintain the well-being of relations between us humans. Therefore, I put on a mask and pretended to be excited, pretending to smile and looked interested in what they have to say. To be honest, they BORE me to death. Some, even annoys me. It was always the same script with them; "Whatcha doing? Where do you come from? Where do you live? Do you study or work? Have you eaten? oh.. Okay. What's your job? Where do you work? oh.. I see. Can we chat? whatcha doing?" 

And there's always nothing interesting that they have to say about themselves. Having to reply the same questions a hundred times to a hundred of different people is a LOT OF WORK, it felt even more stressful to have to reply to these stupid boring messages than to do my own work. But i tried tolerating them, as a mean to get to know them better.

However usually after the dates, or even a few texts, i just decided to shut myself up and not to reply them as often anymore.

These dates after dates, hundreds of texts after texts, they finally EXHAUSTS me to the point where i just dont give a damn anymore. I was officially TIRED of searching, TIRED of finding and forcing something indefinite to take place in my life. so i eventually stop my search, my texts, my flirts, everything. It was a waste of money, and it was a complete waste of my time and energy.

Just when i've gave up searching nor hoping for any spark to ignite, one guy started to gain my interests. Genuine interest. True enough, he was one of a kind.

I can't remember how it went off, but it all started when i had playfully called him 'sweetheart' when replying him for the first time. He suddenly texted back, "Awh, that's so sweet of you."

A bonus there already. From that moment on, we began to text and get to know each other a little better. He told me about his job, his background, his dark past, almost everything. For the first time after a long time, i finally had this rare feeling of "hey-this-guy-isn't-that bad!"

He doesn't flirt around sexually. Never. He knows his boundaries with me as a lady and respects it well. His true intention was to get to know me better and gave me the chance to understand his life, not to flirt around like how the other guys did. He was truly different from the rest of the guys i've dated. There was pure sincerity in how he interacts with me; He was balancing on a fine line between friendship and love. Not too much flirting till i get annoyed, and not too much leaning towards the friendship zone either. It was just perfect.

That was when he just caught my heart. No, not horny, and not too gay either. Finally a decent man.

And learning more stuff about him just made my heart grow even fonder of him. He's not just decent, but also hardworking. No, not workaholic. He loves his family more than his life. But he's hardworking. He has a stable job at such a young age due to his charisma and potential, and holds two diplomas for hotel & tourism, and also culinary. He is able to carry heavy weight of responsibilities regarding his work and not complain too much about it except to do his very best. True, he has had a dark past. So do i. But according to him, it's the future that matters. Not the past. Whatever the past did to him nor me, it is up to us to change that for a better future.

A mature, responsible adult, despite looking so young.

And you know what? He finally won my heart. 

The best part is that, i won his too.

I told him about my effort and exhaustion of searching for just one person i that is worth my everything to focus on. I'm tired of giving attention to multiple different guys and having to text each one of them. True, my previous intention of doing so was so that i don't get hurt. But realizing that by doing such thing wont get me anywhere but exhausts me, i was beginning to abandon all hope.

Until i found him.

I told him this. I told him, i don't care whether he likes it or not, i have finally found him, someone i know is worth my time to focus on. Enough is enough. Whether he just wanted us to be just friends or more, i don't care. What matters is that i've finally found the person i have searched for my whole life. I told him this. Somehow he was strucked by my sincerety of accepting him completely in mine. He felt touched by this, and he replied that he felt the same way for me too, and that his search is over too. I wanted to focus on just him alone, and he wanted the same thing.

Everything that happens after that sweet acknowledgement was simply heaven.

Love does not work when it is one-sided. It has to be sincerely from both. And when that happens, the feeling we get afterwards are magical.

to love is to accept the person's full potential, advantages and disadvantages. Humans are far from perfection. He advised me, "my weakness is your strength, and your weakness is my strength. To be able to accept each other's strength and weaknesses is to complete each other."

I've forgotten how beautiful this feeling is.

Well, i am aware of the pain this relationship might put me through sooner or later. But to finally have someone to commit and be commited to, i don't feel so lost anymore. If he stays loving me, then it's all worth it. 

And this time, i am ready. Lord has answered my prayers, Thank you.

I really hope he is the one meant for me till death do us part. I don't want anyone else anymore, and i don't want to search anymore. I am already so tired of searching.. Let him be the last love for me and me the last love for him.

My soulmate is found.