2 entries.

1ST ENTRY

I can't believe it.. I have finally become a teacher!

But there's too much work to be done.

Warden duty, lesson plans, helping out the school with their activities, finishing the 2010 yearly report, blah blah blah~

It was truly awkward for me when i became a teacher for the first time. It was awkward to listen to these school kids greeting you and saying "assalamualaikum cikgu" everytime they passed me. It is even more awkward to be entrust with such authority; by meaning that i am actually the one with the power over these school kids. I can punish them, tell them what to do, and still have them respecting me at the same time. I'm still not used with being in authority. I'm not used with having the ultimate power over people, to be able to tell people what to do without being scolded or questioned. But hell yeah it is awesome indeed!

I want to be a teacher these students will love and appreciate, the teacher they will remember and feel inspired for the rest of their lives, the teacher that changes their lives. I don't want to be just a teacher to their eyes, but a teacher that touches their very soul. But i'm still in doubt on how to get to these students' hearts.

=.= Oh yeah, not to mention regarding the male teachers there.... Very... Urm... friendly & good looking. Nevermind.

Other than that, the teachers are quite friendly and helpful (^^) and the students aren't that many.

Oh... And the... Dorm... Urm... Haunted? *shivers* huhuhu~

Too many to write here.. I'll tell u if there's really something worth telling.

2ND ENTRY

He has a scandal.

And he actually loves her. Broke my heart.

Has he never consider how i would actually feel if he loves another girl?

How if I love another guy? and telling him i am considering on marrying the other guy instead of him? How would he feel then?

Or maybe, his love to me has decrease... He doesn't text me that often anymore, and has cared for me lesser and lesser each day... Ever since his brother start moving into his home, the family business problem, and ever since he start knowing that... that.... Girl.

The one he admits he likes so much and perhaps love, to the point where he is considering on marrying her. The one that actually brought positive changes in him.

Unlike me... The so called devil within his life... The slut... The one that only bring bad to him.

I can never, ever, ever accept if the person i love actually loves somebody else. That is a huge PROHIBITION in my life.

NEVER LOVE A GUY THAT LOVES ANOTHER GIRL INSTEAD OF YOU.

And so i told him... If he loves her, then be the best for her. Marry her, be her best husband and i will never disturb him anymore. I will leave him in peace for him and her to live happily. I will back down and give way to that girl if he loves her, although i love him too much. For her sake, for his sake. I can't stand it when he keeps mentioning about the other girl. Frankly, I HATE HER. Who doesn't when there's this other hijacker hijacks your beloved one until he wants to marry her? I feel terribly sorry for the wives whose husbands marry a second wife, a third wife, and so on. I am sorry, i can never be able to live with such pain. I rather not be married, or stay single that being married to someone who loves another girl other. And i will NEVER let myself become the second, third, or fourth wife. NEVER. And I will NEVER let myself be a victim of the husband who marries a girl other than me.

Yeah, its hard.. But i've made up my mind. Once he chooses her, and once he admits to me he loves her and if he mention to me about wanting to marry HER or any other girl, I will back down and let him have a happy life with her. If she is the best for him, then be it. I won't want to cause chaos or fighting over him with some other girl.

If she wants him, and he wants her, then go ahead and have a happy life together. May both of them be happy for the rest of their lives. It breaks my heart, but i am willing to let him go if he loves her.

Because the pain of having to live with your husband loving another girl is much worse than the pain of breaking up with the one you love whom had cheated on you.

I'll let him choose. I won't let him love and have the both of us. He will only need to choose one.

If you choose me, then be the old you that i knew. The one who worries me, who will call me everytime i did not reply his messages, wanting to know every updates of mind, listening to me when i have problems, comforting me when i cry, saying how much he loves me... And most of all...

Cry for me... Actually cried for me due to worry of losing me. (I still remember he actually cried on the phone, telling me he can never live without me although i was at the wrong side at the time. But now, not anymore... Never bothered at all... I guess this time he doesn't mind if i'm dead or sick... I guess this time, since he has that GIRL in his life, since he fell in love with her, he can live without me and his tears has long dried for me. I guess, this time he will cry for HER, and tell HER he worries of losing her and can't live without her just like how he did to me.)

But if your heart strongly desires for her, then i'll leave you in peace. Be the best for her and i hope you will have a happy life with her. And thank you for toying around with my heart and fooling me around like an idiot who loves you.

Choose between me and her, before i make the decision for you.

I have none to say.