Everything seems wrong when i'm trying to let out my feelings, my anger, my fury, these heavy load of stress above my shoulders. Everything seems fucking wrong.
When i look into the mirror, i see a pathetic, fucking fat girl who has no life. A fat girl. And i hate her. i hate her to the bottom of my heart, i swear i hate her.
Die, you fucking fat bitch.
Everytime i let them out, there will always be people mocking me, judging me. It seems as if i no longer have a place to tell all my problems, and to... just... listen to me.
Those people. They never understand. All they do is giving solutions. Telling me to be patient, to pray, to be patient, to pray, blah blah blah.
God, i just want a moment of silence and cry them out for heaven's sake. i just want you to listen, and to understand. not to mock me. You don't have to speak. I just want you to listen.
Perhaps i needed some space of my own. Just trap myself inside this box and never ever let anyone enter. Trapping all my cries and pathetic curses inside me. perhaps i need to start keeping secrets. I don't need them to judge me and mocking me, enough is enough. I hate myself, enough said. I don't need you to make me hating myself and people around me even more.
Nobody understands. perhaps i just need to shut up rather than talk too much.
Yes, perhaps that's what i should do. I talk too much. I complain too much. This time let me just sink them inside me and torment me slowly. Let these fucking 'insects' eat me to crumbles. Continue living inside this endless hypocrisy of life. They will never understand me. They'll never know who i truly am.
Perhaps i need to shut up now.
Yes. i'll do just that. Amen.
p/s: I hate crying, it hurts my head a lot.
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