The future seems dark for me.

I didn't know if anyone noticed yet but...

I REALLY WANT A JOB.

A STABLE, CLEAN job that doesn't have anything to do with ruining other people's lives.

I rejected my last job offer not only because i hate sales & marketing.

It was also due to the selfishness of the organisation/company itself.

It forces students to pay registration fees as much as RM500 for those who wants full ptptn loan, or RM2200 for those who just wants half of the ptptn loan.

And where will the money goes next?

Not towards the development of the place, that is what i know for sure. Because i've been there and all i see are empty rooms with a few chairs and tables. No proper facilities. Nothing. Even the BIG BOSS's office is soooo small and has only a table, a chair, and a drawer for keeping files. No carpet, no curtains, nothing. The education facilitator's room is EMPTY. Heck, the university was already established since 1993! and still there were not much progress going on. Just a few empty rooms, plastic chairs and folding tables.

The organisation got so much money from the students, coming from the registration fees & tuition fees! it was HELL EXPENSIVE! and for sure it will burden a lot of students who doesn't have the chance to pursue their studies within the government universities. But then, where did the money went if they weren't being invested for the development of the university?

You wanna know where the students' hard-earned-money all went? Not the university's development nor the education in any way.

The money went into the pockets of the employees of the university. Hence, the salary of RM3300 per month.

Education is NOT about a business deal. Its about giving the education to people who didn't get lucky enough to be accepted by the government universities.

And this stupid unknown private university is just taking advantage of the unlucky students' money to put into their own pockets. That is pure evil, selfish & cruel.

I don't want a job that ruin people's lives too. therefore the explanation above was also the reason why i rejected the job offer.

But then. i really WANT a job. A stable job that pays for my PTPTN loan.

OMG, Wow. PTPTN huh? i just thought of that (O_O). I need to pay back the loan! (O.o) and i might not be able to have a perfectly STABLE job for a long time! (due to the problemsUNIHELL is creating)

three people already offered to help me and i am grateful for their kindness... but... all three of them went quiet until today. Leaving me *STILL* jobless. (T_T)

I sent my resumes to A LOT of companies already, both HOTELS & TEACHING JOBS. (By email and internet of course huhu~) and all of them still has no response at all, until today. Quiet, leaving me *STILL* jobless.

I've went to only one interview so far and rejected the stupid job anyway.

I've sent my resume & job application face to face to a hotel in seremban, knowing i might not be able to get a job since i didn't write the position i am applying in the form. (since i dont really know what job in a hotel suits a TESL degree graduate like me)

And now i feel miserable... JOBLESS & miserable.

adding with the pressure UNIHELL is giving regarding the stupid transcript & my degree cert.

If i really give a thought about this, i would be crying in my room for days, being depressed like how i was back when i was 16 and 18.

i went into a total depression regarding my future when i was 16 & 18 like how i am facing now.

16 yrs old: worrying about not being able to cope with science subjects and not being able to drop them too. i cried in the penolong kanan pengetua's office and cried like hell in the toilet afterwards, and i cry at home everyday after school.

18 yrs old: worrying about being rejected by government universities and not being able to pursue my studies. I cried almost everyday and degrade myself by loathing and despising myself as the days pass by. i did this since dec 2006- jul 2007. A LONG TIME.

And now, the 'deciding my future' phase has come again. NOW.

22 yrs old: The phase where i need a job and fail to be accepted by every companies i have applied, and not being able to get a stable job to pay for my ptptn loan nor to live LIKE A NORMAL ADULT.

I'm afraid i might burst into depression again soon.

Facing lonely days and nights full with tears and despising myself.

I hate myself. so FFFFFF much.