How i've hoped...

"I didn't realize how much i've missed her smile, her laughter, how she walks, how she gave me the weird look on her face when she thinks i'm being a complete weirdo, how she keep fixing her scarf every 5 minutes...

I didn't realize how much i terribly missed her, and how much i've been longing for that the moments when we were still together back then...

I didn't have doubt before regarding my decision on loving another girl and broke her heart in the first place..

Until i met her again and went out together as good friends on the 11th July 2011.

And witness all those things i once had in my arms but lost.

How i wish god allow a 48-hour day just for today, so that i could watch the silly laughter and sweet smile from her again,

And just for one more time, feeling like we were never apart... Feeling like we were those crazy couples who just fell in love with each other we once did in the past.

How i wish i never broke her heart.

How i wish i'd never fell in love with another girl.

How i wish she would hold my hand tightly within hers and called me baby.

How i wish she would forgive me, and love me again despite my past mistakes.

I didn't realize how i've missed her and longed the moments i had with her just now to be eternal & certain.

How i've missed her so, so, so much."

How sweet will it be if he actually said these words to me or confessing the truth on how he felt about me when we met after a long time, than that sentence on his fb status (i refuse to do anything about it cuz i dont wanna jinx the feeling).

But it's still actually pretty sweet indeed.

i was kinda hoping and waiting for him to actually said something about us when we sat in front of my dad's fish pond. I was hoping and waiting for him to say something about still missing us and how i still matter to him despite him breaking my heart.

But no, he chose to stay silent and asked "when can i go home now?" instead.

It was called 'hope' anyway. It never meant things to actually come true.

And there he drove by, leaving my house area, not knowing how i actually felt about him and us when we were dating earlier, ever. (despite of being harassed by his current girlfriend)

But one thing is truly certain.

I missed his voice on the phone and wanting to hear that voice again.

Especially the times when i cry. <:)